It's hard to know where to begin but I know that I have to write. I guess the best place to begin is where I left off. On November 14 I published the second part of a two-part blog post on "Faith Isn't Faith Until It's Tested." Six days later my Dad passed away very suddenly...unexpectedly...without warning...here one minute and gone the next. Some of my readers might be wondering if I thought my faith had been tested before that time but now I'm really going to have my faith tested. If God could see fit to call my Dad home to heaven so suddenly, does my faith in Him stand up to this test? My answer? This life-altering event didn't test my faith at all. It was already secure, rock solid, unwavering. In the ten days since my Dad left this earth I haven't once become angry with God, questioned his sovereignty, or even asked myself why. The shock of his death was very difficult and painful but in all things I give thanks.
We celebrated Thanksgiving two days after his death, even as we were still reeling from the shock of accepting that he was gone. Yet we still gave thanks. We gave thanks that he lived for 81 years. His mind was still sharp, he was still independent in every way, he didn't suffer or linger on this earth...it was simply his time and God called him home. In our minds, the alternative to how my Dad died would have been so much worse. Our hearts go out to friends and loved ones who support their family members through years of illness and disease, watching them fade away slowly. Even in the midst of our grief we felt blessed. And, no, my faith never wavered. God's mercies are new every morning and we have felt His mercy each and every day as we have come to terms with the reality that my Dad is no longer here.
My Dad loved to laugh and tell jokes and stories. He loved to kid around. We have been able to "find the funny" that I've blogged about before in the little things. He would have appreciated that. A couple days after his death my Mom told me Dad's latest blonde joke. He loved blonde jokes. Allison, one of our close friends and a member at his church, visited with us and was telling us the joke he told at church just two days before he died. We found several things to laugh at while we were preparing our hearts to say our final goodbyes. Mom and I were typing his obituary on Thanksgiving Day and when we were finished I shouted out, "Dad, we wrote your obituary on Thanksgiving Day and that is NOT cool!!" The next day, on my Mom's birthday, was the day we had to go and view his body for the first time. It was just myself; Lindy; Mom; my brother, Rob, and my sister-in-law, Lisa. I was dreading it but once I saw him and realized he looked nothing like himself it made it a little easier. We were able to say, "That's not Dad. He's already in heaven." As we were standing there chatting I leaned over and said to him, "Dad, we wrote your obituary on Thanksgiving. Now we had to come look at your body on Mom's birthday. This is really NOT cool!!" We turned it into a light moment. I shared one of my famous stories about back when I was a "real hospice nurse" and I learned how long it takes for rigor mortis to set in. (My Heartland friends will appreciate that because they've all heard that story). My brother shared something that was a TMI and not fit for sharing on my blog or anywhere else. We found a way to laugh.
We have been overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of support from friends and family both near and far. We understand that people die every day--it's the circle of life--but his death has been the most significant that our little family has experienced. I gave updates on Facebook on a near daily basis for the past several days. Since a lot of my blog readers are also my Facebook friends I will try not to be repetitive, but this outpouring of love and concern is such a big part of what has transpired.
I mentioned on Facebook that my mother had no idea that his visitation would be so well-attended. She in no way expected there to be an actual "line" to pay their respects. We were in a large chapel that was about 80 feet from front to back. I could see that the line went out the door but I heard that the line went around the corner and almost to the lobby. There was a line for two hours. I was up in the front by the casket and speaking to each person after they passed by my brother and before they got to my Mom. I found that I did a lot of apologizing to people for the long line and a lot of consoling people, some who couldn't speak as they were so overcome by their shock and their love for my Dad. I tried to tell as many people as I could how special they were to my Dad and how much he loved them. Later on, I told Lindy that I felt I did more consoling of others than they did of me. I didn't feel bad about this. It was just an observation. I was touched by how many people were going to deeply miss his presence in their lives. Lindy said that you just can't take the "pastor's wife" out of me; and I guess you also can't take the hospice nurse out of me who is compassionate to others during their time of loss.
Well, I felt the need to write but now I feel the need to close for now. In the days to come I'll be posting some other things. I want to write about his funeral, how meaningful it was. I want to explain why I had a smile on my face rather than tears during his burial service. I plan to post what I wrote and spoke at his funeral. I might post the entire video of his funeral, but this would be of interest to only a select few friends and family who had hoped to attend but had been unable. I want to write about the "Goodbye Tour" that my Mom and I went on the day after his funeral. I want to let you know how our family is doing. Just know for now that we are doing well. Sure, we are sad, but the joy of the Lord is our strength. My Mom mentioned the other day that she, my brother and I had gotten through this whole experience without one disagreement or one cross word to one another. Of course. We would expect nothing less. We loved my Dad and we love each other. What do we have to disagree about? We agree, we love, and we begin again....
Summer 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Faith Isn't Faith Until It's Tested...Part 2
If you are just happening upon my blog today you had better back up one post. This story is a continuation from yesterday....
OK, are you caught up now? So, Lindy and I were in the midst of selling one house and rehabbing another while I was pregnant. Can you say stressful? We were getting ready to launch ourselves into parenthood and we had an abundance of roofs over our heads--but we really only wanted one roof over our heads. I was having a lot of fear and doubt because our house was not selling right away and we owned two houses. We had only one loan for two houses but it was a very LARGE loan.
Now, my nature is to be a practical, analytical person and I was having some serious trouble seeing with my finite mind how we were going to work everything out. My problem was that I was relying on my own intelligence but not having faith in God to work everything out. The Bible says that faith is the "substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." That means that faith isn't faith until it's beyond our own human abilities to solve whatever issue we are facing. I think when we get to the end of our own solutions God has us right where He wants us. I also think that he doesn't mind seeing us squirm a little to see how we are going to react to our circumstances.
So, I was getting really "squirmy"--figuratively-speaking--and at one integral moment Lindy and I were both in the master bathroom of our 115-year-old house (House #1). I don't remember our whole conversation but I'm sure it involved some amount of hormonal expression (whining) on my part about our situation. At the particular moment that is so clear in my mind to this day, Lindy stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. He kind of shook me and told me that my problem was that up until this point in my life I had never really had to trust God for anything. Everything had just always happened, more or less, the way I expected it to and this was the first time I was facing a situation that I could not solve. Now, as is also my nature, I'm sure I probably argued with him at first and told him that I did trust God and I had always trusted God. After all, I had been a Christian all my life. You see, I thought I had trusted God but my faith had never been tested up to that point. This was a big moment for me and I realized that Lindy was right...I had never truly had to rely on God to solve a situation for me. Lindy basically told me that although I had wonderful parents they had sheltered me from this sort of thing and now that we were married I needed to learn how to trust God on my own without my parents...and right quick. You see, Lindy's a smart guy and he knows that when God tries to teach you something if you don't learn it the first time...you just might be going over that same mountain again. And...since I was married to him and we were now one flesh he wanted me to get on board quick with learning to trust God so that we wouldn't be going over this mountain together again and again. The next "mountain" might look different than this one but until I learned this lesson God was going to allow us to experience circumstances that would give me the opportunity to learn to trust Him.
Fortunately for me, I mean us, the light of understanding came on in my heart and I began to really trust God to take care of our house surplus situation. Does that mean that as soon as my heart became enlightened to this revelation that our house immediately sold and that our life has been happily ever after since that time? Nope. In fact, we owned both of those houses for 18 months and this was only the beginning of that journey. Looking back, I think that God wanted me to learn once and for all that I could trust Him for anything. I know Lindy learned through this process too, but I believe the testing of our faith was really all mine. Even then, he had amazing faith that is still evident today.
God totally, miraculously blessed us in the process and we were better off in the end than we could have imagined. My faith had been tested and I had passed the test!! Since I went through that experience at that time I can look back now when we go through difficult times and know without a shadow of a doubt that if I put my trust in God He will take care of me and my family. It may look different or happen differently that I expect, but that's just the excitement of serving God. My job is not to see to the end of every circumstance, my job is only to trust in Him to bring me through to the other side.
I hope that if God is testing your faith you will see it for what it is and rise to the challenge of learning to trust in Him. Believe me, you want to learn this lesson quick so you can move on to the bigger and better things He has in store for you.
Maybe a future blog post will tell the whole tale of two houses. It's a humdinger...
OK, are you caught up now? So, Lindy and I were in the midst of selling one house and rehabbing another while I was pregnant. Can you say stressful? We were getting ready to launch ourselves into parenthood and we had an abundance of roofs over our heads--but we really only wanted one roof over our heads. I was having a lot of fear and doubt because our house was not selling right away and we owned two houses. We had only one loan for two houses but it was a very LARGE loan.
Now, my nature is to be a practical, analytical person and I was having some serious trouble seeing with my finite mind how we were going to work everything out. My problem was that I was relying on my own intelligence but not having faith in God to work everything out. The Bible says that faith is the "substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." That means that faith isn't faith until it's beyond our own human abilities to solve whatever issue we are facing. I think when we get to the end of our own solutions God has us right where He wants us. I also think that he doesn't mind seeing us squirm a little to see how we are going to react to our circumstances.
So, I was getting really "squirmy"--figuratively-speaking--and at one integral moment Lindy and I were both in the master bathroom of our 115-year-old house (House #1). I don't remember our whole conversation but I'm sure it involved some amount of hormonal expression (whining) on my part about our situation. At the particular moment that is so clear in my mind to this day, Lindy stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. He kind of shook me and told me that my problem was that up until this point in my life I had never really had to trust God for anything. Everything had just always happened, more or less, the way I expected it to and this was the first time I was facing a situation that I could not solve. Now, as is also my nature, I'm sure I probably argued with him at first and told him that I did trust God and I had always trusted God. After all, I had been a Christian all my life. You see, I thought I had trusted God but my faith had never been tested up to that point. This was a big moment for me and I realized that Lindy was right...I had never truly had to rely on God to solve a situation for me. Lindy basically told me that although I had wonderful parents they had sheltered me from this sort of thing and now that we were married I needed to learn how to trust God on my own without my parents...and right quick. You see, Lindy's a smart guy and he knows that when God tries to teach you something if you don't learn it the first time...you just might be going over that same mountain again. And...since I was married to him and we were now one flesh he wanted me to get on board quick with learning to trust God so that we wouldn't be going over this mountain together again and again. The next "mountain" might look different than this one but until I learned this lesson God was going to allow us to experience circumstances that would give me the opportunity to learn to trust Him.
Fortunately for me, I mean us, the light of understanding came on in my heart and I began to really trust God to take care of our house surplus situation. Does that mean that as soon as my heart became enlightened to this revelation that our house immediately sold and that our life has been happily ever after since that time? Nope. In fact, we owned both of those houses for 18 months and this was only the beginning of that journey. Looking back, I think that God wanted me to learn once and for all that I could trust Him for anything. I know Lindy learned through this process too, but I believe the testing of our faith was really all mine. Even then, he had amazing faith that is still evident today.
God totally, miraculously blessed us in the process and we were better off in the end than we could have imagined. My faith had been tested and I had passed the test!! Since I went through that experience at that time I can look back now when we go through difficult times and know without a shadow of a doubt that if I put my trust in God He will take care of me and my family. It may look different or happen differently that I expect, but that's just the excitement of serving God. My job is not to see to the end of every circumstance, my job is only to trust in Him to bring me through to the other side.
I hope that if God is testing your faith you will see it for what it is and rise to the challenge of learning to trust in Him. Believe me, you want to learn this lesson quick so you can move on to the bigger and better things He has in store for you.
Maybe a future blog post will tell the whole tale of two houses. It's a humdinger...
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Faith Isn't Faith Until It's Tested
Well, it's been more than two months since my last blog post--not so great for someone who says she likes to blog. I have lots of excuses but I think the best one is that I just don't want to write about any old thing just to have something to post...or just to fill a quota...or just to get people to read. It's nice to have goals but if I don't have something to say, I don't want to say just anything.
However, my lack of something to say came to a screeching halt last night after the Sister Circle. Wait.... What's the Sister Circle? I can hear you asking the question, because it sounds like a cult or an exclusive club, but it's neither. It's a monthly get-together for ladies at my church that want a chance to socialize, eat dinner or dessert or drink fancy coffee, and learn something all at the same time. I love it. it's one of my favorite things that I get to do and I think it's because I...love...variety. Maybe you're someone who just likes to eat with others, or someone who just likes to socialize and have a good time, or someone who doesn't see the purpose in doing anything that allows you to come away without learning something. Well, Sister Circle is all three rolled into one and as a bonus I really love all of the ladies who attend. Those who know me well know how much I adore variety. After all, I'm one of those annoying people who can't wear her hair in the same style for more than a few days in a row.
Anyway, I digress. Usually at Sister Circle we have around 20 women. The players change but that's the average number. This month I got busy and didn't badger or cajole anyone into attending. The result of my non-badgering and non-cajoling ways resulted in only around 10 ladies attending. But, I think it was one of the best nights we've had. Sometimes a smaller group lends itself to a more intimate discussion and more feelings and experiences being shared. That's what happened last night and it was wonderful. Don't get me wrong. I also like the nights when 25 women show up but the dynamic is different. Not bad, just different.
The ladies of Sister Circle have chosen to do a particular book study and lately we've been studying the book of Joshua...like in the Bible. One of the main themes of Joshua is God's faithfulness to His children and the absolute bank-on-it fact that He always keeps his promises. This is true today just like it was then. The focus of our discussion last night turned out to be about God testing our faith in Him. That's right. God uses circumstances in our lives to test our faith and whether we are truly going to trust Him to bring us through. And guess what?? God rewards faithfulness. We had some wonderful interaction with stories shared and tears shed but the message was that Faith Isn't Faith Until It's Tested.
I won't share anyone else's story of God testing her faith, but I will share my own in case it's meaningful to someone. I grew up in a very secure family with parents who trusted God to take care of them, but didn't really talk much to my brother and me about struggles in life. We were protected from the harsher realities of life. They took care of me and my brother and, honestly, when I was growing up there wasn't much for which I had to lean on God. I trusted God in my own way but I had never really ever had to go through anything that tested my faith.
Sidebar example of how much I was protected from the realities of life: I was talking to my Mom recently about Jac starting to drive in a couple years and how my friends with kids of driving age have talked about how expenseive car insurance is when you have a teenage driver. I had no idea and told her that Dad never mentioned the expense of car insurance when I was a teenage driver. Her response? She laughed and said, "Robin, you really believe your Dad would ever have told you/complained to you about how expensive something was? No way. He just paid it and didn't say a word about it." That's my Dad.
I coasted through my childhood and college and getting married and never really had to trust in God. I always prayed about big decisions and endeavored to do what I thought God's will was for me, but my faith was not truly tested until I was 26 years old. I remember the exact circumstance and I shared it last night with our small gathering of the Sister Circle. Lindy and I had been married for about three years and were expecting Jac. I was very pregnant and we were trying to sell one house and move into another one because Lindy was on staff at a church in Illinois and we were still living in St. Charles, MO. (The full story of the-buying-of-one-house-and-the-selling-of-another is really a blog post for another day. It's a story of God's provision and blessing while learning patience). Anyway, to say that we were having some difficulty with selling our house while having to rehab the other one while I was pregnant is an understatement. I was full of fear and doubt yet I remember the exact moment when God made His faithfulness real to me. It was a test of my faith that I had never experienced before. He used Lindy to turn on the light of understanding in my heart that had never had cause to be lit before.
I would love to continue the story, but as my blog posts have turned out to be too lengthy most of the time, you're going to have to come back tomorrow to read the rest. This story is to be continued....
However, my lack of something to say came to a screeching halt last night after the Sister Circle. Wait.... What's the Sister Circle? I can hear you asking the question, because it sounds like a cult or an exclusive club, but it's neither. It's a monthly get-together for ladies at my church that want a chance to socialize, eat dinner or dessert or drink fancy coffee, and learn something all at the same time. I love it. it's one of my favorite things that I get to do and I think it's because I...love...variety. Maybe you're someone who just likes to eat with others, or someone who just likes to socialize and have a good time, or someone who doesn't see the purpose in doing anything that allows you to come away without learning something. Well, Sister Circle is all three rolled into one and as a bonus I really love all of the ladies who attend. Those who know me well know how much I adore variety. After all, I'm one of those annoying people who can't wear her hair in the same style for more than a few days in a row.
Anyway, I digress. Usually at Sister Circle we have around 20 women. The players change but that's the average number. This month I got busy and didn't badger or cajole anyone into attending. The result of my non-badgering and non-cajoling ways resulted in only around 10 ladies attending. But, I think it was one of the best nights we've had. Sometimes a smaller group lends itself to a more intimate discussion and more feelings and experiences being shared. That's what happened last night and it was wonderful. Don't get me wrong. I also like the nights when 25 women show up but the dynamic is different. Not bad, just different.
The ladies of Sister Circle have chosen to do a particular book study and lately we've been studying the book of Joshua...like in the Bible. One of the main themes of Joshua is God's faithfulness to His children and the absolute bank-on-it fact that He always keeps his promises. This is true today just like it was then. The focus of our discussion last night turned out to be about God testing our faith in Him. That's right. God uses circumstances in our lives to test our faith and whether we are truly going to trust Him to bring us through. And guess what?? God rewards faithfulness. We had some wonderful interaction with stories shared and tears shed but the message was that Faith Isn't Faith Until It's Tested.
I won't share anyone else's story of God testing her faith, but I will share my own in case it's meaningful to someone. I grew up in a very secure family with parents who trusted God to take care of them, but didn't really talk much to my brother and me about struggles in life. We were protected from the harsher realities of life. They took care of me and my brother and, honestly, when I was growing up there wasn't much for which I had to lean on God. I trusted God in my own way but I had never really ever had to go through anything that tested my faith.
Sidebar example of how much I was protected from the realities of life: I was talking to my Mom recently about Jac starting to drive in a couple years and how my friends with kids of driving age have talked about how expenseive car insurance is when you have a teenage driver. I had no idea and told her that Dad never mentioned the expense of car insurance when I was a teenage driver. Her response? She laughed and said, "Robin, you really believe your Dad would ever have told you/complained to you about how expensive something was? No way. He just paid it and didn't say a word about it." That's my Dad.
I coasted through my childhood and college and getting married and never really had to trust in God. I always prayed about big decisions and endeavored to do what I thought God's will was for me, but my faith was not truly tested until I was 26 years old. I remember the exact circumstance and I shared it last night with our small gathering of the Sister Circle. Lindy and I had been married for about three years and were expecting Jac. I was very pregnant and we were trying to sell one house and move into another one because Lindy was on staff at a church in Illinois and we were still living in St. Charles, MO. (The full story of the-buying-of-one-house-and-the-selling-of-another is really a blog post for another day. It's a story of God's provision and blessing while learning patience). Anyway, to say that we were having some difficulty with selling our house while having to rehab the other one while I was pregnant is an understatement. I was full of fear and doubt yet I remember the exact moment when God made His faithfulness real to me. It was a test of my faith that I had never experienced before. He used Lindy to turn on the light of understanding in my heart that had never had cause to be lit before.
I would love to continue the story, but as my blog posts have turned out to be too lengthy most of the time, you're going to have to come back tomorrow to read the rest. This story is to be continued....
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