Things I Would Tweet About If I Had a Twitter Account But I Don't, and I Won't, Because I'm Too Wordy and Because of Other Reasons

Sometimes I think of things; usually random, crazy things; and then I say to myself, "Hey, if I had a Twitter  account I would probably "tweet" that."  I don't have a Twitter account and don't plan on getting one.  First of all, I'm not someone who likes to have my phone on my hip at all times.  Second, I don't think anyone really cares about what I'm doing at any given moment of the day--especially what I'm eating for dinner, etc.  Third, and no offense here, I don't feel the need to be that connected with people that do have twitter accounts.  But, the biggest reason of all that I don't twitter or tweet or whatever is because I'm just way too wordy.  In fact, when I was a junior in high school in honors English I had a teacher who despised wordiness.  I don't think I got back a paper all year that didn't have "Too Wordy!!" written in red across the top of it.  Tweeting limits you to 140 characters and I am hard-pressed to express a thought in 140 characters.  I have to explain everything just to be able to paint the picture.  See, I've already used a whole paragraph to explain why I don't do something.  Honestly, my wordiness can drive my husband crazy at times.  If he's had a long day and I start in with a story, he'll just stop me and say, "Honey, headlines, please."  That's really hard for me.  I love to tell the story, whatever the story.  I guess that's why I have come to enjoy writing so much.  Speaking of Lindy, today is his birthday, and he will not like this post because it will have no lasting impact on the reader.  It is meant only to entertain and that is not good enough for him.  It's the pastor in him and that's OK.  So, if you want to read a beautiful post that was written just for him, you'll have to go back and read this one when I recorded our story that has been 20 years in the making.  When he read it after I wrote it he said, "What's not to like?  It's all about me."

So, here are the things I would have tweeted in the last week if I had a Twitter account, with explanation included, of course:

"You have to go in Gymboree at Mid Rivers Mall and check yourself out in the mirror at the back of the store."--Now, this week was not the first time I've noticed this mirror.  I've been going in there to peruse the clearance racks for my kids for years, but this mirror is fabulous.  Seriously, even if you don't have kids, if you live in the St. Louis area you have to go in this store and look at yourself in the mirror hanging in the back of the store on a door that goes to the back room.  It's by the clearance racks so it's convenient for me to catch a peek of myself while I'm shopping.  It is not a true mirror, so I'll be up front with you on that, but if I could take it home with me I would.  It will turn any day into a better day, and you'll leave with a spring in your step.  Let me know if you check it out.

"There's a fine line to be negotiated between plucking your eyebrows and waiting to get an eyebrow wax before a special event."  Eyebrow maintenance is something that I have only come to appreciate over the last ten or so years.  Prior to that my eyebrows were au natural, but since I noticed what a difference it made to actually groom them, I can't give it up.  Ask anyone who is into eyebrow maintenance and they will tell you the same thing.  I try to pluck once or twice in between eyebrow waxes and my wax lady recognizes my voice over the phone without me saying my name.  She does a great job, and she's really reasonable--read cheap.  The dilemma comes when you know you want to get them waxed before a big event so that they are nicely shaped, but you've waited too long to pluck in between waxings.  You see, there has to be some growth for the wax to adhere to and if you've plucked them too recently then the wax doesn't work as well.  Well, I am currently facing that very dilemma.  I need to get them waxed next Tuesday and I've been telling myself for the last three weeks that I needed to pluck.  I realized a couple days ago that I've waited too long and I've crossed that line of plucking too close to a wax appointment.  Please forgive me for the unshapliness of my eyebrows if you see me in person and let me know if you want my wax lady's info.

"I'm scared of electric staplers."  I guess that one was able to be communicated in a short, concise statement.  I don't really know why.  It's not like the stapler is going to turn on me and then I'll find myself being stapled to something, but it's always good to be cautious.  My brother would totally not relate to this because he's not afraid of anything like this.  He always made fun of me for being afraid of silly stuff.

"Should I break tradition and continue to wear white after Labor Day?"  This one is still up for debate and I haven't decided yet.  If you're new to my blog then  you probably haven't read my post on fashion that I wrote for my cousin, Cara.  I go into great detail about wearing white, and specifically, how to wear white. I may break out of my mold and venture out in white after Labor Day, especially if our 100 degree weather continues.  The jury's still out on this one.

"I learned this week that I can still sing all the lyrics to 'Diff'rent Strokes.'"  That's right.  I still got it, baby.  Why, you ask, do I know that I can still sing all the lyrics to a show that was broadcast 30 years ago?  I'm glad you asked, because of course there's a story to go along with this one.  Last summer when Gary Coleman died I was trying to explain to the boys about Arnold and Willis and their show and the line, "What you talkin' about, Willis??"  This was all news to them and I don't think a childhood should be spent without understanding the fine one-liners that came from 80s sit coms.  So, this had to be remedied, but obviously not right away because the first of the "Diff'rent Strokes" DVDs that I added to the DVD cue on Netflix finally arrived this week.  So, they started watching the shows, which last about 23 minutes when you're watching them without commercials, and I had plenty of opportunity to brush up on my lyrics.  About the 4th time through I had all the words down and Jac was learning them too.  I appreciate that about Jac.  He's my child that wants to know all, do all, be all.  Ethan had his ears covered.  Something I didn't realize before is that the first few episodes didn't have the "Ummmmm" at the end of the theme song.   They added that in later episodes.  I taught Jac to sing the "Ummmm" before he heard it on one of the shows.  If you weren't alive in the 70s and watching this show in the 80s then you will have no idea what I'm talking about.  You won't know about the "man with means" who took in the boys who "just had their jeans."  You gotta watch you some "Diff'rent Strokes."  The boys think the shows are hilarious but Jac was truly hurt to learn that most of the character's real lives didn't turn out as well as living in a penthouse apartment on the East side.

OK, last one.  "Gavin offers me perfume/cologne by asking me what I want to smell like that day--a horse, a lollipop, or an old man."  What????  The other morning I was getting ready for work and Gavin was "helping."  I had already put on scented lotion, which of course, couldn't be mixed with perfume that day, but he kept insisting that I pick a perfume/cologne to wear.  He asks, "What do you want to smell like--a horse, a lollipop, or an old man?"  I figured out pretty quickly what he meant by the horse and the lollipop but I was perplexed by which one looked like it would cause me to smell like an old man.  Here's a picture of the three perfumes/colognes to which he was referring:

Horse--obviously

Lollipop--I get that.  Doesn't it look like an upside down lollipop?

Old man--OK, not sure about this one.

Note to Lindy, apparently Gavin associates Lacoste with old man smell.  I'm not sure why.  Is it the bottle?   Is it the scent?  I'm not sure about this.  I passed on all three.

So, that's it for now.  Told you there would be no depth to this post.  Just purely for entertainment.

I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day.  We're going to be without kids.  What???  Lindy and I are going to be participating in a hobby that started out to be mine, but has turned out to be his, and I hope it sticks with both of us.  More on that later.  Just know that when the Carnetts decide to get involved in something, we are all in.  We're all in--accessories and paraphernalia not withstanding.