Fashion Advice--According to the Girl Who Wears Pink and Orange Together

Well, after a succession of serious blog posts which recounted all of my recent drama and paid homage to my mama; you might be wondering, why oh why, would I now write about something as meaningless as fashion.  The obvious answer is that I am just that multi-dimensional.  The less obvious answer is that a sweet girl, my cousin Cara, requested that I write a blog post on fashion.  She said, "teach me something."  Here's a picture of Cara from her wedding:

Now, I know what you're thinking, "this girl is asking for fashion tips?"  Is she not as cute as can be?  Cara's actually my second cousin, or maybe she's my first cousin once removed.  I always get that mixed up.  She's my first cousin, Ray's, daughter.  All I know is that we share the same maiden name, I'm so glad we share some of the same genes, and before she was a bride she was my flower girl when I got married.

So, here it is, just to humor Cara.  I should give a few disclaimers first.  First, my advice is my opinion only.  I didn't do any research on the topic.  If your opinion differs and you disagree with each piece of advice, then more power to you.  These are only my opinions and advice I would give to my darling, now-grown-up-and-married cousin.  Second, if you're my husband and you're reading this you might as well stop now.  You will not be impressed and you'll think it's a wasted risk of carpal tunnel syndrome.  Third; Nathan, if you are reading this you will definitely be turning in your man card.  You can request it back at the end.  (You really might want to read it though, especially the last one, for the benefit of your students.  Fourth, as the title of this post pointed out:  I am a girl who wears pink and orange together.  You will have to decide whether you're willing to be subjected to taking fashion advice from me.  Either way, here you go:

1. This one is really on my mind right now since it is spring and summer will be here before we know it.  Buy white pants whenever you find a good pair that fits you well.  I love love LOVE to wear white pants or white skirts in the summer; however, nice-fitting white pants don't come along every day.  When you find them, snatch them up because white pants don't stay white forever even if you dry clean them.  What do I mean by "nice-fitting?"  Well, to me that means white pants that give you enough coverage that they aren't see through.  My sister-in-law, Ronnin, was shopping with me recently and we were talking about white pants.  She said that she tries to find white pants that have pockets because they give you more coverage.  So true.  I also like to find ones that are lined, whenever possible.  I currently have about five white pairs of pants in my white pant wardrobe.  Before you think I'm a little over the top with white pants, you should know that they are all different--one cropped jean pair, one cropped linen pair, one long dressy linen pair, one polished cotton cropped pair, one very old white linen pair that can hardly be considered white anymore.  I think the polished cotton pair are on their way out too.  They've just been washed and dry cleaned over and over.  I'm bleaching them today so we'll see what happens.  Cross your fingers.
2. This piece of fashion advice is directly linked to number one.  Wear appropriate undergarments--especially under white pants.  Listen, it's not easy finding the exactly perfect undergarments to wear under white pants.  They should be skin-colored.  Why this isn't obvious to everyone, I'm not sure.  Please don't wear white unmentionables under white pants.  Go with the skin colored pair and you'll be glad you did.  Everyone else will too.  This same bit of advice goes for all other clothing items as well.  Back when I was a "real nurse" and I worked in inpatient oncology/neurology we were required to wear white.  I had a friend named Bindu who was Indian--dot, not the feather.  I told Bindu that my Indian name for her was "Bindu Black Bra" because she would wear all kinds of different colored bras under her white uniform.  She honestly didn't care about appropriate undergarments, and since we were friends she got a kick out of her Indian name.
3. If you're still French-rolling--or tight-rolling--your jeans, I just have to say "Welcome to the 21st Century.  We're glad to have you, just don't be surprised if you get odd looks."  Not too long ago my close-in-age friends at church had their jeans tight-rolled just for fun prior to band practice on a Wednesday night.  Their tween and teen children were mortified and begged me not to join in when I arrived.  I had to, of course, but we were just playing around.  I had a boyfriend in high school, Kelly, who could tight roll his jeans as if his very life depended on it.  It was an art.  That was then, this is now.  Please don't do it.
4. Accessories can make the outfit.  If you have some "trouble spots" you're trying to hide or detract attention from, accessories can do that for you.  This is one of the tricks up my sleeve which I collectively refer to as "smoke and mirrors."  I love scarves.  Let me say that again:  I love scarves.  One year for my birthday all the girls at work had on scarves and bright lipstick just for me.  I have short scarves, long scarves, silk scarves, sweater scarves, winter scarves....  One category I don't have are neutral scarves--except for a couple black and navy ones.  I'm honestly not a neutral person.  Give me colors that pop and let me wear them together.  Just for fun, and because I was curious, I counted my scarves for the purpose of this post.  Are you ready?  I have 62 scarves!!  Seriously??  I have 62 scarves?  Even I'm shocked by that.  I must mention that scarves are not an item that I ever weed out.  I have scarves back to my high school days.  There are a couple that my grandmother gave to me when she was alive and a couple others that my Mom gave back to me that I had given my grandmother as gifts.  Mau Mau and I shared a love of scarves and her sense of fashion has definitely been passed down and made an impact on me.  Here's a picture of me in one of my favorite scarves:  

         This is the "souvenir" I bought for myself in St. Maarten.  I challenged myself to wear it with as many different combinations as possible and at last count I was at nine.  My friend Melanie N. saw this pic and said it looks like one of those paparazzi photos of celebrities doing normal things.  Ha ha, that's funny.

1.  Well, this is actually #5 but I'm not Mac-savvy enough to keep the numbers from starting over.  Wear clothes that are appropriate for your body type.  If you aren't sure, then ask a friend who you know will tell you the painful truth.  My Mom is that person for me.  She's more than willing to tell me if something isn't "working" for me.  Try to avoid "muffin tops" at all costs.  If you're not familiar with that vernacular a muffin top is when you buy clothes that are too tight and cause your belly to spill over your pants or jeans.  If your jeans are too tight, then wear something loose-fitting on top or a scarf to draw attention away from the area.  See, smoke and mirrors.
2. Always dress for the occasion.  I have to tell you that after living in Missouri all these years and seeing what people will wear to weddings it was refreshing to go to my cousin Ellen's wedding in Baton Rouge, LA.  She got married Labor Day weekend directly after Hurricane Katrina hit, and no matter the craziness of the weather, these girls pulled out all the stops.  It was lovely.  I didn't see one girl in pants, no guys in jeans; but I did see linen, pastels, and flowy dresses.  Honestly, it was a breath of fresh air.  Even a few hats thrown in.  Here are a few pics as evidence:  

I threw this one in for Lindy, even though he's long since stopped reading his post.  He loves this one because
I had that "pregnant glow."  I was 11 weeks pregnant with Gavin and politely declined a third go round as a
pregnant bridesmaid.

Sweet Ethan wearing a fru fru outfit passed down from Jac--perfect for a southern wedding.

My beautiful mother is on the right, her equally stunning sister is on the left and that's their dapper brother,
father of the bride, in the middle.

Me with my cousin John's sweet wife, Brenda.  Isn't she gorgeous?

1. Numbers starting over again--sorry.  Don't be afraid to take risks but use common sense.  Fashion is all about exercising your individuality, but sometimes you have to be careful with what that can look like.  I read not long ago a statement that went something like this:  "Once you take that step of getting a tattoo on your face, you're really saying to the world, 'I really don't plan on going any farther in life than where I am right now.'"  Now, I don't think the group of people who read my blog have plans of getting their face tattooed but you never know.  The real thought here is one that I utilize all the time in all different situations, "If in doubt, don't."  If you're not sure don't wear it.  This especially goes for work attire.  I've definitely missed the mark a few times as happens when you're willing to take fashion risks, but I still try to work my way back to the middle.
2. Skip the hosiery unless you're wearing a suit or it's required for your job.  Obviously, my opinion on this one has changed a lot since I grew up in the 80s.  Believe it or not, girls, back in the 80s you weren't dressed up unless you were wearing white pantyhose or some other odd color.  We did it, we all did it; but we don't have to do it now.  Since I'm not your average pastor's wife, I used to be concerned about this one.  "What will the ladies, older ladies especially, think of me since I choose to not wear hosiery?"  I finally just had to accept that they were going to have to take me as I am--without hosiery.  (Tights in the winter are not included in this hosiery ban).  If you're of the opinion that you look better with hosiery, then by all means, go for it.  Just please don't wear them with sandals or open-toed shoes.  Ladies over 70 are exempt from this fashion tip.
3. OK, last but not least, and I think this one is the most important one--especially for young girls trying to find their way amongst trends and peer pressure.  Just because you can doesn't mean you should.  Just because you can wear that top cut down to your navel with the girls hanging out, doesn't mean you should.  Just because you have fantastic legs doesn't mean you should wear that skirt or dress that barely covers your hiney.  Trust me, all girls younger than me, it will get you the kind of attention that you don't need or deserve.  You want to be appreciated for who you are on the inside not the outside.  If you think that it's not fair for people to judge you by the clothes you wear instead of waiting until they get to know the "real" you, then I have to tell you that life is unfair.  You will be judged.  That's just human nature.  People will form opinions about you just based on how short your skirt is.  Men might ogle you but women will pity you.  Sorry to share the painful truth with you.

Well, that's all that has come to me just off the top of my head.  Obviously, since books are written and lives are dedicated to giving fashion advice, this is not an exhaustive list.  Just my opinions, take them or leave them.

Love you, Cara Beth.  Hope you enjoyed it.