Nothing Else Seems to Matter at the Moment

This week I have thought about different topics I could blog about but, truly, the only thing that has been on my mind is the devastation and suffering being experienced by my fellow Show-Me-State citizens in Joplin, MO.  Since I don't feel equipped to write about it since I didn't experience it or see the effects first-hand, I am going to ask my husband to be a guest writer on my blog for the next post.  He, our student ministries pastor, his brother-in-law, and some other men from our area spent Wednesday through Saturday there helping out with the amazing efforts of Convoy of Hope.  Lindy can give a much better description of and tribute to the people of Joplin than me.  I'll ask him to work on a blog post right away.  I have a little pull with him, after all.

On this Memorial Day, as we remember all of the service members in our armed forces who gave their lives for our freedom; I hope you stop and appreciate the freedom for which they fought.  Freedom of speech, freedom to worship, freedom to come and go as we please, freedom to bear arms (in some states), freedom from search and seizure...the list goes on and on.  I haven't even scratched the surface.  The freedoms we enjoy today would not be possible without those who fought for them.  If you're a veteran reading this post, I say "thank you."  Words cannot describe all that your sacrifice, and the sacrifices of your fellow service members, have meant to our country.  We love and appreciate you.

I'm leaving you with a You Tube video that Lindy and Nathan made while they were in Joplin.  It's just a sneak peek into what I'm sure will be a touching blog post by my better half.  The sound isn't very good due to the windiness at that time, but you can see and feel what they are experiencing all around them.  I hope you and your family and friends have a wonderful Memorial Day and amidst the BBQs and swim parties you stop to remember the purpose of celebrating this holiday.

  

Fashion Advice--According to the Girl Who Wears Pink and Orange Together

Well, after a succession of serious blog posts which recounted all of my recent drama and paid homage to my mama; you might be wondering, why oh why, would I now write about something as meaningless as fashion.  The obvious answer is that I am just that multi-dimensional.  The less obvious answer is that a sweet girl, my cousin Cara, requested that I write a blog post on fashion.  She said, "teach me something."  Here's a picture of Cara from her wedding:

Now, I know what you're thinking, "this girl is asking for fashion tips?"  Is she not as cute as can be?  Cara's actually my second cousin, or maybe she's my first cousin once removed.  I always get that mixed up.  She's my first cousin, Ray's, daughter.  All I know is that we share the same maiden name, I'm so glad we share some of the same genes, and before she was a bride she was my flower girl when I got married.

So, here it is, just to humor Cara.  I should give a few disclaimers first.  First, my advice is my opinion only.  I didn't do any research on the topic.  If your opinion differs and you disagree with each piece of advice, then more power to you.  These are only my opinions and advice I would give to my darling, now-grown-up-and-married cousin.  Second, if you're my husband and you're reading this you might as well stop now.  You will not be impressed and you'll think it's a wasted risk of carpal tunnel syndrome.  Third; Nathan, if you are reading this you will definitely be turning in your man card.  You can request it back at the end.  (You really might want to read it though, especially the last one, for the benefit of your students.  Fourth, as the title of this post pointed out:  I am a girl who wears pink and orange together.  You will have to decide whether you're willing to be subjected to taking fashion advice from me.  Either way, here you go:

1. This one is really on my mind right now since it is spring and summer will be here before we know it.  Buy white pants whenever you find a good pair that fits you well.  I love love LOVE to wear white pants or white skirts in the summer; however, nice-fitting white pants don't come along every day.  When you find them, snatch them up because white pants don't stay white forever even if you dry clean them.  What do I mean by "nice-fitting?"  Well, to me that means white pants that give you enough coverage that they aren't see through.  My sister-in-law, Ronnin, was shopping with me recently and we were talking about white pants.  She said that she tries to find white pants that have pockets because they give you more coverage.  So true.  I also like to find ones that are lined, whenever possible.  I currently have about five white pairs of pants in my white pant wardrobe.  Before you think I'm a little over the top with white pants, you should know that they are all different--one cropped jean pair, one cropped linen pair, one long dressy linen pair, one polished cotton cropped pair, one very old white linen pair that can hardly be considered white anymore.  I think the polished cotton pair are on their way out too.  They've just been washed and dry cleaned over and over.  I'm bleaching them today so we'll see what happens.  Cross your fingers.
2. This piece of fashion advice is directly linked to number one.  Wear appropriate undergarments--especially under white pants.  Listen, it's not easy finding the exactly perfect undergarments to wear under white pants.  They should be skin-colored.  Why this isn't obvious to everyone, I'm not sure.  Please don't wear white unmentionables under white pants.  Go with the skin colored pair and you'll be glad you did.  Everyone else will too.  This same bit of advice goes for all other clothing items as well.  Back when I was a "real nurse" and I worked in inpatient oncology/neurology we were required to wear white.  I had a friend named Bindu who was Indian--dot, not the feather.  I told Bindu that my Indian name for her was "Bindu Black Bra" because she would wear all kinds of different colored bras under her white uniform.  She honestly didn't care about appropriate undergarments, and since we were friends she got a kick out of her Indian name.
3. If you're still French-rolling--or tight-rolling--your jeans, I just have to say "Welcome to the 21st Century.  We're glad to have you, just don't be surprised if you get odd looks."  Not too long ago my close-in-age friends at church had their jeans tight-rolled just for fun prior to band practice on a Wednesday night.  Their tween and teen children were mortified and begged me not to join in when I arrived.  I had to, of course, but we were just playing around.  I had a boyfriend in high school, Kelly, who could tight roll his jeans as if his very life depended on it.  It was an art.  That was then, this is now.  Please don't do it.
4. Accessories can make the outfit.  If you have some "trouble spots" you're trying to hide or detract attention from, accessories can do that for you.  This is one of the tricks up my sleeve which I collectively refer to as "smoke and mirrors."  I love scarves.  Let me say that again:  I love scarves.  One year for my birthday all the girls at work had on scarves and bright lipstick just for me.  I have short scarves, long scarves, silk scarves, sweater scarves, winter scarves....  One category I don't have are neutral scarves--except for a couple black and navy ones.  I'm honestly not a neutral person.  Give me colors that pop and let me wear them together.  Just for fun, and because I was curious, I counted my scarves for the purpose of this post.  Are you ready?  I have 62 scarves!!  Seriously??  I have 62 scarves?  Even I'm shocked by that.  I must mention that scarves are not an item that I ever weed out.  I have scarves back to my high school days.  There are a couple that my grandmother gave to me when she was alive and a couple others that my Mom gave back to me that I had given my grandmother as gifts.  Mau Mau and I shared a love of scarves and her sense of fashion has definitely been passed down and made an impact on me.  Here's a picture of me in one of my favorite scarves:  

         This is the "souvenir" I bought for myself in St. Maarten.  I challenged myself to wear it with as many different combinations as possible and at last count I was at nine.  My friend Melanie N. saw this pic and said it looks like one of those paparazzi photos of celebrities doing normal things.  Ha ha, that's funny.

1.  Well, this is actually #5 but I'm not Mac-savvy enough to keep the numbers from starting over.  Wear clothes that are appropriate for your body type.  If you aren't sure, then ask a friend who you know will tell you the painful truth.  My Mom is that person for me.  She's more than willing to tell me if something isn't "working" for me.  Try to avoid "muffin tops" at all costs.  If you're not familiar with that vernacular a muffin top is when you buy clothes that are too tight and cause your belly to spill over your pants or jeans.  If your jeans are too tight, then wear something loose-fitting on top or a scarf to draw attention away from the area.  See, smoke and mirrors.
2. Always dress for the occasion.  I have to tell you that after living in Missouri all these years and seeing what people will wear to weddings it was refreshing to go to my cousin Ellen's wedding in Baton Rouge, LA.  She got married Labor Day weekend directly after Hurricane Katrina hit, and no matter the craziness of the weather, these girls pulled out all the stops.  It was lovely.  I didn't see one girl in pants, no guys in jeans; but I did see linen, pastels, and flowy dresses.  Honestly, it was a breath of fresh air.  Even a few hats thrown in.  Here are a few pics as evidence:  

I threw this one in for Lindy, even though he's long since stopped reading his post.  He loves this one because
I had that "pregnant glow."  I was 11 weeks pregnant with Gavin and politely declined a third go round as a
pregnant bridesmaid.

Sweet Ethan wearing a fru fru outfit passed down from Jac--perfect for a southern wedding.

My beautiful mother is on the right, her equally stunning sister is on the left and that's their dapper brother,
father of the bride, in the middle.

Me with my cousin John's sweet wife, Brenda.  Isn't she gorgeous?

1. Numbers starting over again--sorry.  Don't be afraid to take risks but use common sense.  Fashion is all about exercising your individuality, but sometimes you have to be careful with what that can look like.  I read not long ago a statement that went something like this:  "Once you take that step of getting a tattoo on your face, you're really saying to the world, 'I really don't plan on going any farther in life than where I am right now.'"  Now, I don't think the group of people who read my blog have plans of getting their face tattooed but you never know.  The real thought here is one that I utilize all the time in all different situations, "If in doubt, don't."  If you're not sure don't wear it.  This especially goes for work attire.  I've definitely missed the mark a few times as happens when you're willing to take fashion risks, but I still try to work my way back to the middle.
2. Skip the hosiery unless you're wearing a suit or it's required for your job.  Obviously, my opinion on this one has changed a lot since I grew up in the 80s.  Believe it or not, girls, back in the 80s you weren't dressed up unless you were wearing white pantyhose or some other odd color.  We did it, we all did it; but we don't have to do it now.  Since I'm not your average pastor's wife, I used to be concerned about this one.  "What will the ladies, older ladies especially, think of me since I choose to not wear hosiery?"  I finally just had to accept that they were going to have to take me as I am--without hosiery.  (Tights in the winter are not included in this hosiery ban).  If you're of the opinion that you look better with hosiery, then by all means, go for it.  Just please don't wear them with sandals or open-toed shoes.  Ladies over 70 are exempt from this fashion tip.
3. OK, last but not least, and I think this one is the most important one--especially for young girls trying to find their way amongst trends and peer pressure.  Just because you can doesn't mean you should.  Just because you can wear that top cut down to your navel with the girls hanging out, doesn't mean you should.  Just because you have fantastic legs doesn't mean you should wear that skirt or dress that barely covers your hiney.  Trust me, all girls younger than me, it will get you the kind of attention that you don't need or deserve.  You want to be appreciated for who you are on the inside not the outside.  If you think that it's not fair for people to judge you by the clothes you wear instead of waiting until they get to know the "real" you, then I have to tell you that life is unfair.  You will be judged.  That's just human nature.  People will form opinions about you just based on how short your skirt is.  Men might ogle you but women will pity you.  Sorry to share the painful truth with you.

Well, that's all that has come to me just off the top of my head.  Obviously, since books are written and lives are dedicated to giving fashion advice, this is not an exhaustive list.  Just my opinions, take them or leave them.

Love you, Cara Beth.  Hope you enjoyed it.

My Mother

Well, it is Mother's Day in just two days so what else--or should I say 'who' else--would I write about?  I've been blessed with a wonderful mother.  I know a lot of people say that, and probably most of them mean it, but I can't imagine having a better mother.  There is a lot that I appreciate about my Mom and I can't possibly cover all that is wonderful about her in a simple blog post...but I'm going to at least make a feeble attempt.

As I type on Lindy's laptop I am sitting outside on my patio basking in the gorgeous sunshine.  My mother and I both live for days like this.  If she were here she would be sitting close by reading a book and drinking a glass of iced tea.  We would be absolutely content.  If it were a perfect day for us we would have already been shopping and out to lunch.  If it were a really perfect day there would have been time spent on the beach at some point.  

There are some things about me that I know disappoint my mother.  The first one would probably be that we don't live close to each other and don't get to spend time together on a regular basis.  My Dad preached my grandmother's (my mother's mother) funeral almost 12 years ago and I remember a part where he said my grandmother told him some time in the past that he was getting paid back for taking my mother away from her.  You see, my mother married a preacher and followed him wherever the ministry took him.  I did the same thing and my grandmother told him, mostly in jest, that he was reaping what he sowed for taking her daughter far away.  Not being close in proximity disappoints my mother, but I know she understands because it's the path she also chose.  I know that it also disappoints her that I don't call often enough.  She would also prefer that I was a little better at hand-written letters and cards.  This is important to her and I should do better at remembering that.  We now have an additional way to stay in contact and she's become very adept at texting.  There are probably many other things about me that disappoint my mother, but overall, I know she would say that she is proud of this person she helped to mold and shape.

I've come to realize that you have such a different perspective in regards to your mother when you become one yourself.  There are many things that I appreciated at the time, but now have a deeper sense of gratitude as I remember my childhood.  I remember that my Mom would always put aside her book to talk to me, no matter what.  I recall actually testing it once.  I was about 13 or 14 years old and I went to talk to her and she was reading a book.  She put the book down and talked to me.  Then, we just sat in silence for a while and she went back to her book.  A few minutes later I said something else and she put down her book again.  It was nothing important that I was talking about but this went on for several minutes.  Me sitting in silence, then talking, her putting down her book and patiently listening to me, her going back to her book....  She never knew I was testing her but this minor event stayed with me.  I knew without a doubt that I was important to her, more important than whatever else she happened to be doing.

My Mom was at home with me until I started second grade.  At that point we moved to Springfield, MO from Searcy, AR and my Mom had to go to work.  I never really appreciated the significance of this in her life until much later.  I took it in stride and don't recall being emotionally scarred by having a working mother.  I believe it had a much greater impact on her.  She was a secretary and she hadn't worked outside our home in a very long time.  Years later, she told me that there were times she would be so frustrated by having to recall all she knew to be able to do her job and had so much angst about going to work and not being home for my brother and me that she would lay her head on her typewriter and cry.  (That's right, I said typewriter.  We are old).  In spite of her frustration, she never brought that home from work.  It was around this time that my Dad started traveling and he was gone about ten days a month.  He was also pastoring a little church and when he was gone my Mom would preach.  So, my Mom often tells me that I am crazy for trying to fit so much into a summer, a month, a week, a day, an hour; but she's forgotten all the craziness that her life was when my brother and I were growing up.   She worked full-time, had two kids and all the activities that they could scrape by to afford, a house to clean, meals to cook, and a church where she covered for my Dad when he was gone.  Who's crazy???

Since my Mom worked full-time I don't remember there being a tremendous amount of baking around our house.  When my Mom did bake something that wasn't going with her to work or to church I was so touched.  I know that's a little loo loo, but chocolate chip cookies speak to me.  I also remember that she was into making rag dolls for people at one time and when she gave one to me, I cried.  I'm not sure why I was affected by that, but just knowing that she had made one for me was a big deal.

When I was in high school I was in marching band.  We had band practice every morning at 7:00 during marching band season.  For two years my Mom got out of bed every morning, bright and spunky as always, and took me to school early before she came back home to get ready to go to work.  She never once complained.  My parents encouraged me to be in marching band so it would not have been her way to complain about something that was a requirement for what she had encouraged me to do.

If you've ever wondered where I get my fashion sense, you only have to look as far as my mother.  When I was growing up, my parents didn't have much money.  I was a "free lunch" kid and didn't know it meant we were without means.  I thought it meant I was a princess and they gave me my lunch and morning milk for free.  Delusional, I know.  But, in spite of not having money we always looked nice.  She learned from her mother that "looking good is half the battle."  My grandmother would also point out families with filthy kids, dirty clothes, etc.  and say, "no pride, no pride."  You don't have to have money to be clean and look nice.  My Mom made a lot of my clothes and you can just imagine what kind of duds she set me up in.  She was scared of Vogue patterns but once in a while I could convince her to attempt it.  Everything she made always turned out fabulous.  I also had really long hair growing up and she fixed it different for me every day.  One year, I think it was 4th or 5th grade, we decided to see how many days through the school year we could go with me wearing a completely different hairstyle.  I think we made it through the first quarter.  Not bad.  Through the years, my parents exercised a lot of discipline and wisdom in their finances and they had greater means.  This translated to me as more clothes in my closet.  I attempted one year to see how many days I could go to school without wearing the same ensemble of clothes twice.  (I really need a hobby, I know).   This was encouraged by my mother and she taught me how to accessorize during this time.  We still love to shop and it's pretty much a standard with the ladies in her family that if we've been under the weather, and we're back out shopping again, we are on the road to recovery.  Shopping is our barometer.

My mother is really beautiful and always has been.  She's modest about it but I know she was a knock-out in her growing-up years since she still is a gorgeous woman.  I feel a little guilty saying this because so many people say we look alike, but she has much better cheekbones than me.  I have better lips, so we're even.  When I was a little girl and would go to visit her at her work I would be on the elevator and people would automatically know I was her daughter because we look so much alike.  I've included a recent picture of her at Gavin's birthday party--and I did not photoshop it.  She still is classically beautiful and has the best fashion sense of any woman I know. 

Much greater than all the lessons about outer beauty were the lessons she taught me about character.  She taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated; keep an open heart and don't expect for others to have an ulterior motive; marry a man who loves Jesus, loves me, and loves his mother.  She also told me my life would be much easier if I married someone who shared my values and beliefs and if I remembered that marrying the man also meant marrying his family.  I took that to heart and married the best family I could find.  I did well to listen to her because I benefit from the closeness I share with Lindy's family.  She also taught me about patience--I'm still trying to learn that one--and about how a wife should treat her husband.  I guess I should listen closely to that advice since my parents will celebrate 50 years of marriage in September.

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, or you've just not read my recent blog posts, you already know that I just experienced a miscarriage.  Why would I mention that at this point?  Well, here's where I come to the transparent part.  You see, I have three boys who I love dearly and wouldn't trade for all the world, but my dream of having a girl has never been fulfilled.  I have come to terms with that over the years.  I really have.  This pregnancy ended before I was able to know if this baby was to be a boy or a girl.  I was talking last Sunday to some dear friends named Joe and Wendy.  Joe encouraged me to pray and ask God whether the baby was a boy or girl and to name him or her.  He believed that God would give me that answer.  I don't doubt that, but as I prayed about it I realized that I don't really want to know whether the baby is a boy or a girl.  Here's why.  If Lindy and I decided not to pursue having another baby and I felt God telling me this baby was a girl then I would be even more devastated.  One of my main motivations in my desire for a girl was so that I could experience the same type of wonderful relationship I've had with my mother.  Boys love their mothers, no doubt, but it seems that as they grow older and marry they eventually gravitate toward the girl's family.  There are exceptions, but as a rule, it's true.  I also wanted to see the kind of woman my little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl would grow up to be.  If I knew the baby that was never meant to be was my final opportunity to have a girl, I know there would be great disappointment for me.  It's good enough for me to just accept that my "baby" is in heaven and I will see him or her again one day.  Here's where I encourage you to read the book "Heaven is for Real" if you haven't already.  You'll understand why after you read it.

Well, Lindy asked me if I was writing a book while I've been sitting here.  This blog post is long enough but still falls short in conveying what a wonderful blessing my mother is, and has always been, to me.  We won't be together this Mother's Day.  Remember, we both married pastors??  I will be preaching this Sunday at our church.  If you haven't heard me before, just know that, according to Lindy, I preach "like a woman."  I'll take that as a compliment.  If you don't have a church home and want to come, I can almost guarantee that you will cry and laugh and probably cry while you're laughing.  Hopefully, you'll leave different than when you came.  If you want more logistical information you can go to www.myrestorationchurch.org.  

Love you, Mom.  I wouldn't be who I am today without you in my life.