Finding the Funny

I often feel like we get so bogged down with everyday stress and trying to accomplish everything we're expected to do that we end up taking life, and ourselves, way too seriously.  People are really stressed out these days.  I kind of think we would be more content if we were able to find the funny in everyday life.   Now, if I didn't possess the ability to laugh at myself and the crazy circumstances I find myself in I would be a malcontent, maladjusted miserable Mom.  But, because I can find the funny I tend to be pretty content most of the time.

Take last Saturday morning, for example.  Whatever was I thinking when I decided to take all three of my kids to Walmart!! in the middle of the day!! to buy school supplies!! on tax-free weekend!!??  I must have been out of my mind.  I also went without eating or drinking anything that morning.  Big mistake.  My real goal was to be at the Gap Outlet when it opened on Saturday morning at 9:00.  I had told Lindy this.  He was very kind and let me sleep in, but when he woke me up at 8:40 he asked, "Aren't you supposed to be at the Gap by 9:00?"  Well, yes, I was; but apparently, not now.  My original plan had been to only take Gavin with me because the older two boys were supposed to go to the gun range with their Dad.  That didn't happen due to rain in the forecast so all three of them decided to go with me.  They have to pick out their own school supplies, you know.  The Gap was pretty much an OK experience, but Walmart was a different story.  I was there 15 minutes trying to negotiate Moms and Dads with carts and screaming kids in the aisles before I was wishing I was in a Calgon commercial.  (I guess you have to be above a certain age to appreciate that reference.  Apologies to my whippersnapper blog readers.  You'll have to search youtube for old Calgon commercials).

Anyway, I have three boys with three lists each vying for my attention.  I'm trying to remain organized--I'm still me, after all--and it was not working.  After a few laps around the school supply section where I'm thinking that I could have made this shopping experience much more user-friendly had I been a Walmart employee; and after thinking up words of advice for a Dad to get his 2-year-old to stop screaming with none of them sounding very polite in my head; I knew I had to escape to the grocery section.  As usual, when I have all three boys in tow, I had already given them my obligatory pre-grocery shopping lecture on the way into the store.  It goes something like this:  "When we get in the store there will be no whining, no begging for stuff, no putting stuff in the cart without asking, no fighting with each other, no touching each other, no using items in the store as weapons against each other, no arguing over who rides on the cart...."  It's actually a much longer list and they can pretty well recite it back to me.  Once we got to the grocery section of Walmart I think they were also about ready to get out of there.  We got our groceries, picked out a cookie cake for Ethan's birthday dinner--which was only about 6 weeks ago so we aren't doing too bad--and left the store.  Pretty uneventful so far.

Wendy's is a stone's throw away and by this time I'm in desperate need of a Coke--not coke, as in cocaine--but a Coke, as in caffeinated beverage.  I wasn't that desperate.  So we go in and sit down with our food and the boys start in with one funny story after another.  It's not hard to find the funny with these three but they were getting louder and more expressive as we continued to sit there.  Gavin is next to me and Jac and Ethan are across from us.  Gavin is on his knees on his chair drinking Coke from my straw.  One of his brothers said something funny and what should happen at that point?  Well, of course, Gavin spewed Coke out two orifices (nose and mouth) all over the table--including my phone.  Of course, this made them laugh even harder after the initial shock.  At this point I put a very serious look on my face and said in my sternest Mom voice, "BOYS!!  STOP...HAVING...SO MUCH FUN!!!!"  I was halfway through the sentence before they froze in place.  Jac's eyes were as big as saucers until I finished the sentence and then they were all writhing with laughter once again.  You see, I could have gotten upset after the morning I had just experienced and now Gavin has spewed Coke all over our food and my iPHONE!! but I chose to find the funny instead.  After all, they are only mine to enjoy for so long and then one day I'll have to turn them over to wives and lives of their own.

Once we got home it only got better.  We had driven Lindy's Pilot that day and knowing how important it is to him to avoid all potential scratches, dings, or nicks to either vehicle; I parked in the driveway rather than the garage so that walking between the vehicles with loaded Walmart bags that might potentially brush up against them could be avoided.  Our driveway is on a slight incline which I didn't think about as I usually drive the car which has a trunk and is different than the back of an SUV.  The back hatch opens on its own and as it opens--but before it has fully opened where I can get close--out rolls our watermelon on to the driveway where it hits--SPLAT.  It cracks open and continues rolling down to the end of the driveway.  In the three seconds it takes for us to watch the watermelon roll down the driveway--and while the hatch is still opening--I hear a duller kind of SPLAT--and feel something cold on my feet.  Yep, the gallon of milk I just purchased has now rolled out onto the driveway, busted open, and within about 10 seconds we got to see what a gallon of milk looks like on aggregate in the middle of a 100 degree day.  Nice.  Of course, the only person who doesn't see the humor in this is the one person who didn't just experience the morning we have had.  Lindy.  He has a logical suggestion which would have prevented this occurrence.  "Well, you should have had the watermelon and milk in bags and hooked them on to the hooks in the back of the vehicle."  Well, yes Lindy, that makes perfect sense and I should have thought about the potential of the watermelon and the milk rolling out of the Pilot and onto our driveway before I left Walmart.  Thank you for that fine suggestion.  Jac was on hose duty and I was able to salvage the watermelon after Lindy carried it inside.  Our only loss was one gallon of milk.  The rest of the groceries and school supplies survived the trauma of arriving at our house.

Later that day I was putting laundry away in my bathroom when I knocked our container of Qtips on the floor where they all proceeded to scatter.  What could I do but laugh?  This was the kind of day I was having.  

Yesterday I spent the day out of town helping with a training for brand new hospice nurses.  I was the first speaker and my slot was for 2 hours.  I purposely wore my bright turquoise flower-patterned pants with a coordinating top and shoes.  I was joking with the group that I wore the pants to keep them awake and that I knew what they were thinking:  "There's the girl that buys those pants!"  Do you ever go shopping and look at certain items of clothing and think to yourself, "Who would buy those?"  Well, these are those kind of pants and I told them that now they know the girl that buys them.  I told them that I had a similar experience once when I saw the girl who buys the Coach shoes that match the Coach jacket and the Coach bag.  I love a Coach bag.  I can even handle the matching Coach jacket.  I was just pleasantly surprised to finally see the girl who buys the bag, the jacket, and the shoes and then wears all of them together.  Likewise, we had a little entertainment at work not long ago when we saw a guy in the parking lot with bright peach dress slacks, a matching peach suit jacket, and matching patent leather peach shoes!!  Seriously.  I'm not kidding.  And, he was a white guy.  Just sayin'.  Like "peach sherbet"--as one of my co-workers nicknamed him--I'm not afraid of color and I like my floweredy pants.  In fact, one day Lindy sent me a text that said something to the effect that he loved me and could never live without me.  I was wearing those pants that day and I texted him back and said, "That's a good thing because there aren't many guys out there who can handle a girl who wears brightly flowered turquoise pants."

Anyway, while I was doing my PowerPoint presentation yesterday all of a sudden the slides started going backward.  I asked the class,"Haven't you seen those slides before?  It seems like they're going backward."  They all confirmed that, yes, the slides were going backward.  It took me more than a few seconds to realize that I had my thumb on the wrong button on the remote and I was repeatedly pushing it.  I apologized and assured them that it wasn't going to be my only blonde moment of the day.

I could recount story after story of just living my life where I choose to find the funny.  I choose to live that way because life is too short to take ourselves so seriously.  Lindy and I take much pleasure in making fun of each other and, especially, in making fun of our kids.  After all, why have kids except to make fun of them?  They are getting old enough now to give it right back.  A good sense of humor can do a lot to ease the stress in life that is inevitable.  And...the Word of God says that the JOY of the Lord is our STRENGTH.  So, let's have some JOY and let God make us strong in Him.  There's your spiritual spin on my just-for-fun blog post.

By the way, for my grammar-loving friends: I am aware that my subject-verb agreement is not perfect in this blog post.  I'm willing to find the funny in that and publish it without perfecting it.

Love to all,

Ethan is Ten...You Might or Might Not Know What That Means for Me

My boy #2, the classic middle child, turned ten years old last week.  Ethan has officially made it to the double digits and he continues to be one of the bright, shining lights of my life.  If you're new to my blog and maybe you want a little "Ethan history" I'll have to direct you back to some blog posts I wrote about him in April 2011 when he was hospitalized for three days.  He also starred in a very graphic blog post about the scourge known as the stomach flu.  I believe I wrote that one in December 2010.  Of course, I wrote a blog post about him for his birthday last year and you can find it here.  As I mentioned last year, Ethan is anything but plain vanilla.  He is all sugar and spice (even if that's supposed to be for girls).  Ethan continues to have an all-consuming preoccupation with all-things-military.  I think this interest has stuck for about two years now.  Military stuff and enormous Lego sets--those are his two passions at the moment.  Whereas my older and younger sons kind of float from one interest to another, my middle son is definitive about and committed to those two passions.  Once again, one of his birthday gifts was to go to the Army surplus store and have a little shopping spree.

Ethan and his little recruit.

 I can recall my Dad saying when Ethan was a tiny baby that he would be a very persistent, determined boy--and likely, man.  That continues to hold true.  Once he gets something in his head that he is interested in or desires to have he is like a dog with a bone.  He's always been that way.  And, you know what?  He usually gets what he wants eventually.  He's willing to sacrifice having many things to get the few things that he really wants.  Also, he's very specific about what he wants--down to the model number.  That's his Uncle Rob in him.

I had a revelation about Ethan recently.  He is not my boy who loves his Mom to hug and kiss on him right now.  I guess that's part of being a "tween" if that's what you want to call him.  I still do hug and kiss him--a lot--but it's not without receiving quite a bit of resistance.  However, recently I was putting some special things in a box that each of the boys had made for me and I realized that Ethan is the child who likes to write notes to me or draws pictures for me.  That's how he shows his love.  I told his Aunt Cayla and she said that must be his love language and that's probably how he likes to receive love too.  She's right.  I'm going to be more deliberate about that, but I'm still not giving up on the hugs and kisses.  All boys need hugs and kisses and "I love yous" from their mommas.  No one can convince me otherwise.  They also need it from their daddies but this is my blog, not his Dad's blog.

This one is from October 2008--6 years old

Let me translate:  "I love my Mom so much!  Too much.  Very Much! From:  Ethan  To:  Mom

He recognizes in this one that his Mom loves him.  

This was his Mother's Day card to me this year.  My favorite line is H--Her hair is blonde but she went to college.  I guess he's impressed that I'm blonde and still a little smart at the same time.  He hasn't made the connection yet that he's just as blonde as me even though I remind him frequently.

Ethan reminds me a lot of my love--his Dad.  He has that charming way about him.  Once when he was about three years old we were in Target together.  I was telling him the things we needed to get and we were standing in an aisle with the groceries.  I told him we needed milk and he said, "I'll get it.  You just stand there and look pretty."  That is soooooooo his Dad.  Ethan pretty much gets along with everyone and is complimented frequently for his politeness.  Not that my other boys aren't polite--they are--but it's probably more unusual for a boy in the 9-10 year-old range to be noted for his politeness.  All of his teachers have adored him and I am so proud of him for being such a good boy all the time.  He has a very tender heart.  He's the one who will come and ask permission to eat a popcicle after his brothers have already grabbed one from the freezer. 

Honestly, could there BE three cuter boys??

It's difficult to really encapsulate all that is Ethan in a simple blog post.  I deperately love all of my boys, equally and in different ways, and I am so blessed to experience the uniqueness that is each one.  One of the things that is different about Ethan compared to his brothers was the timing of when he was born.  If you've read the blog post that I wrote about him last year then you might think you know what I'm referring to.  If you haven't I encourage you to because I believe it will be meaningful to you even if you don't know Ethan.  But that "timing" is not the timing I'm thinking of.  Yes, Ethan was born five minutes after midnight on his due date; but what's significant also is the time of year he was born.  You see, I already had my beautiful boy, Jac, and Lindy and I knew we wanted to have more children.  Of course, the big decision is always "when?"  Around this time I had prayed that God would allow me to have another baby before I turned 30.  Well, my little Ethan slipped right out and peed on the doctor's shoes exactly 20 days before I turned 30.  So, if you're any good at math at all you can quickly figure that if Ethan is turning ten then that means I am turning....  I'll let you fill in the blank.  Ethan is my child who can't let me forget how old I am...EVER...because he knows I'm almost exactly 30 years older than him.  Gotta love him.

Ethan has been at his grandparents' house the last two weeks in Springfield.  He wanted to spend the 4th of July there and so spending his birthday at their house was the trade-off for getting to spend the 4th there.  I have missed him desperately, as I missed Jac when he was there for two weeks.  His Uncle Rob helped me surprise him with the enormous Lego set he wanted and I got to watch him open it on Skype.  I love giving the gifts to my kids that they really want.  It's so much better than just guessing and buying something you think they will like.  He had a little party there and he doesn't want a party at home.  Nope, my boy wants to go to the gun range for his tenth birthday.  You're not surprised by that, are you?  He really wants Mr. Matt to go though so we have to plan it around his schedule.

The back of his shirt says "All Things are Possible"

I hope you've enjoyed a little Ethan insight as he turns ten.  He is a unique boy--very special indeed--and I am so proud of his tender heart, his sweet spirit, and most of all, how he wants all his friends to know Jesus.  We are blessed with a tremendous gift in our middle son.

My Baby Jac is Turning 13

I am definitely not the first Mom and I won't be the last to say that I can't believe my baby boy is going to be a teenager.  It is so hard to comprehend that my overbaked-half-grown-infant-child is turning 13 years old.  I've never referred to him as my little baby because my pre-maternal visions of motherhood did not include my oldest son as an infant.  He was overbaked by ten days and while I had envisioned cradling this tiny little peewee baby, as Lindy and I are relatively averaged-sized people, I did not forsee myself cradling a baby with legs that extended past my waist.  There was baby...and then there were his legs.  He was 23 inches long and 8 lb 12 oz at birth.  He didn't have an ounce of fat on him and still doesn't to this day.  He's been this long, lanky kid since birth.  My cousin, Lana, won't recall this but I remember us comparing our babies' measurements and her son had the exact measurements at one year as Jac had at six months.

If you believe the much-bandied-about adage that you can double a child's height at the age of two and predict how tall he will be as an adult, then you might see Jac peek at 6 feet 4 inches someday.  (Honestly, I hope this doesn't hold true because it would make Ethan 6 feet 0 inches and Gavin 5 feet 8 inches as adults.  Not so great for the Gav).  I thought Jac would pass me up last summer but he didn't.  In April he was 5 feet 3 1/2 inches--just one inch to go--but his inseam and feet are the same size as mine.  Crazy.  He's in that terribly frustrating clothes-buying stage of not yet a man but not really a boy.  You would think I would rise to the challenge since I love shopping so much, but I'm tempted to let the boy wear his jeans until they're "manpris" (the male version of capris) just so that the next time I buy clothes for him we can just stick to the men's department.  Right now he can wear a boy's size 18 in shorts and some men's jeans in 29-30.  Do you know how hard it is to find jeans in 29-30?  I guess most men are carrying around a bigger gut than Jac.

I've really enjoyed being part of Jac's life while he has grown into this amazing young man.  He was a sweet little boy and has just grown into this polite young man that is sensitive and intuitive and easy-going.  This year has been quite an experience for Jac and me since we've both had braces for the last several months.  I've teased him about how we need a photo shoot with his Dad to capture this time as mother-turning-40 and son-turning-13 brace-faces.  To say that his father and I are proud of him seems so insubstantial compared to the way we really feel about Jac.  We expect amazing, beyond our imagination things for Jac and we speak that out over him and tell him all the time how we know he is going to be everything God calls him to be.  For the record, he's still set on being an astro-pastor.  If you don't know what an astro-pastor is you''l have to go back and read the post I wrote about Jac last year when he turned twelve.  I had already started this post when I went back to read that one to make sure I wasn't too repetitive and I noticed that I named it "My Baby Jac is Turning 12."  I guess in my heart he will always be my Baby Jac.  Lindy and I knew he would be John Addison but decided to wait and actually look at his face to decide whether to call him John or Jac.  We immediately knew he was Jac and my co-workers took to referring to him as "Baby Jac" and it stuck.

Eating in Little Italy in Manhattan

Jac at Hershey Park on his "best chocolate day ever"

Jac spent the last two weeks with his grandparents in Springfield and about halfway through he was very homesick.  I think more than anything he missed his brothers.  We were skyping with him and Jac was just laughing and grinning at his brothers' shenanigans in front of the computer.  Up until now, the relationship between Jac and his almost 10-year-old brother Ethan has been kind of hot and cold--the standard "Jac won't play with me," "Ethan won't quit bugging me" arguments that you probably have in your house on occasion if you have two or more children.  This past Thursday night Ethan was desperate to Skype with Jac but didn't really say why.  After they finally connected later that night I asked Ethan what he had wanted to tell Jac.  Ethan had earned his "Cut and Chop" card in Royal Rangers this week at church, which from my understanding is a big deal and means that he has passed all the requirements to be trusted with a knife.  (Don't quote me, but it's something scary to Moms and exciting to boys like that).  Also, Commander Matt gave Ethan a cool new knife for earning the card that he wanted to show to Jac.  When Ethan and I were discussing their interaction he said Jac had told him he was proud of him.  Oh, did that ever melt this mother's heart.  I have such high hopes for my boys' relationships as adults and this is a good step in the right direction.

My two 2 little sweetie pies pre-Gavin

Turning 13 is going to be a big deal in this house with our three boys and Lindy plans to take each boy on a trip--just the two of them--to "seal the deal."  There might be more information on this later--and perhaps I can convince the husband of Not Your Average Pastor's Wife to be a guest blogger on a later post describing what is so significant about turning 13.  Their trip is already booked and it's a surprise to Jac where they are going.  I know they are both going to have a blast.

Jac, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'll never quit hugging and kissing you and telling you always how much you mean to me and how much you have changed my life.  You are one of a kind and I can't wait to be known as "Jac Carnett's Mom" in whatever direction God plans for your life.  Stay true to Him and you can never truly fail.  Psalm 18:30 says, "As for God, His way is perfect."  What more do we need?  Love you, babe.

Baby Jac on June 9

What I Learned On My Trip to Israel and Jordan

It was amazing.  Did I say that already?  It was a long journey to Tel Aviv; but it was doable, even in coach.

1.  I learned that Melatonin is pretty good for helping you sleep on the plane and for combatting jet lag.  I took Melatonin to help me sleep, as recommended by several people and my doctor; and it helped.  Just fair warning that one of the side effects is "vivid dreams" and vivid dreams I had.  I also took it a couple times after we arrived in order to sleep at night.  Israel is 8 hours ahead of St. Louis so we really felt flipped around and worn out on the first day.  When they served breakfast on the plane it was 3:00 a.m. to us.  Crazy.  The first day was spent touring the city of Tel Aviv and it's all a bit of a blur now due to the jet lag but the hotel we stayed in was right on the Mediterranean Sea.

2.  The Mediterranean Sea was as beautiful as I had always imagined but pretty cold in April.  It was a dream of mine to see the Mediterranean.  Unfortunately, the water was pretty cold and I didn't go in further than my ankles.  I did enjoy a nice little catnap on the beach while Lindy braved the water further than me.

We packed up early the next morning and drove down south to the desert.  We went to David Ben Gurion's home.  He was the prime minister of Israel when Israel was declared a country in 1948.

3.  I learned what a "tel" was while in the desert.  They are large hill-looking things that are actually one ancient civilization stacked upon another.  We heard the phrase "lower is older" several times.  One tel had remnants of 25 different civilizations.  We think about some things in the U.S. being "old" but compared to thousands of years of history in Israel our 200 hundred-year-old stuff at home is pretty inconsequential.  

That late afternoon we arrived at the Dead Sea and it was a sight to behold.  I have long dreamed of seeing the Dead Sea and floating in it.

4.  I learned a whole lot about the Dead Sea.  The salt and mineral content of the Dead Sea is 6 times that of the ocean and nothing can live in it.  Hence, Dead Sea.  When you get out of the water your skin is really oily feeling from the high magnesium content.  The high mineral content causes you to float so it is literally impossible for you to sink to the bottom.  Besides, due to the saltiness of the water you would not want to put your eyes under the water anyway.  You are instructed not to splash when you go in the water because you don't want the water in your eyes or anyone else's.  Our friend, Roberto, had some issues with the weightlessness in the Dead Sea and had several of us yelling at him as he was splashing around to get his bearings.  If you lean back your legs automatically pop up and it's a bit of a challenge to get your legs to go back down in the water.  Of course, I came up with a technique to counteract this right away, but it is a little unnerving and makes you feel out of control to not be able to put your feet on the bottom.  Dead sea salt and mineral items are sold all over the world.

5.  I learned that it's a good thing that being a nurse combined with childbirth times three has eradicated all sense of modesty for me in a spa setting.  I opted to have a salt scrub at the hotel spa and it was quite an experience.   Apparently, an "all over" salt scrub by a Hebrew-speaking woman is just that--"all over."  And it was vigorous indeed.  I felt thoroughly scrubbed.

The next morning we were packed and on the bus by 7:00 a.m.  We visited Masada.  I learned so much that day and plan to read the writings of Josephus.  If you've never heard of Masada, just google it and read all about it.  It is an extremely significant historic event to the Israelis and I was enthralled with everything I learned.

6.  I learned that tour groups travel with an armed guard in the country of Jordan.  After visiting Masada and the Dead Sea souvenir place we arrived at the border crossing to go into Jordan.  This was quite an event because our tour guide and bus driver did not travel across with us.  They were only able to take us to the border and then once we went through border patrol we were put on a different bus with a new driver, a new tour guide, and an armed guard.  Yep, that's right, we had an armed guard who traveled with us for the three days we were in Jordan.

7.  I learned that there is a noticeable difference when you cross from Israel into Jordan.  I hope that nothing I blog about in this post is offensive to anyone because it's not intended to be that way.  For the most part, Israel is very clean with beautiful land and very little trash.  From the border on in to the country of Jordan there seemed to be an abundance of trash to be found.  There are probably many opinions as to why this is the case, and I won't try to parse that out in this blog post, but it's something that's impossible not to notice.  I spoke with a friend of mine who is originally from a middle Eastern country and his thought was that Israel is a much more prosperous country than Jordan and they have more resources to keep things clean.  Also, if someone has always lived amongst trash they start to get desensitized to it and don't recognize it as someone does who is coming in from the outside.  This desensitization can carry on from one generation to the next.  Interesting concept to ponder.

8.  I learned that the food we ate in both Israel and Jordan was excellent and that it wasn't difficult to adjust to a Mediterranean diet.  We stayed our first night in Amman, which is the capital of Jordan, and a large city.  It was a very nice hotel and the food was very similar to that in Israel--lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, olives, cheeses, pita bread, hummus, etc.  There was also a variety of meats and salads and rice served with each dinner.  We had wonderful food everywhere we went but it was definitely a Mediterranean diet.

9.  While in Amman, I learned that it's difficult to distinguish a toilet from a bidet in the dark.  You see, since I live in a house with four boys I have developed a habit over the years.  If I make a trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night I do not turn on the light but I do ALWAYS feel to see that the toilet seat is where it should be before I do my business.  I did the same thing in Amman and when I reached for it I didn't feel the toilet seat.  I reached behind me to try to see if it was up instead of down.  Not there, either.  I was frantically feeling for it in the dark since I was trying to avoid turning on the light at all costs.  Finally I gave up and turned on the light only to find that I had been trying to find a toilet seat on the bidet which was next  to the toilet.  I'm glad I was persistent in my search because I imagine that might have been a mess.    

10.  I learned that riding a camel is an acquired skill and probably not something I would want to have the opportunity to improve upon.  Our second day in Jordan was spent at Petra.  If you've never heard of Petra all you need to do is watch the last half hour of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  When Indiana and his Dad ride their horses toward a building carved out of red stone you will see the treasury in Petra.  Now, that's where reality ends and Hollywood begins in that scene.  They go running in to the treasury and the movie makes you think there is a lot to see inside.  It's just a small empty room which tourists were not allowed to enter when we were there.  Petra was a beautiful sight to behold.  There was a lot of walking involved that day--about six miles in all--but you could rent a donkey, a carriage, or a camel if you got tired of walking.  After lunch several of us opted to ride camels back to the treasury--about a mile and a half.  Having never ridden a camel before I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  I didn't expect for my fear of heights to kick in, but sure enough it did.  When my camel started standing up I gave a little squeal.  Then, as the rider of the camel tethered to my camel decided to see what it felt like to ride a camel that was running I was then riding a running camel.  She was yelling "Yeah, yeah!"  I was yelling, "No, no!"  Just as I was finally getting used to the motion of riding a camel it was time to dismount.  This little action resulted in a bruise on my back for a few days.  As the camel got down on his front knees I felt like I was going to pitch forward so I leaned back quickly.  The post on the back of the saddle hit me in the back.  By then, I was ready to get off and be done with my camel experience.

11.  I learned that it was easier to get in to Jordan than it was to get back into Israel from Jordan.  We sat on our bus for a long time guarded by plain clothes soldiers with M-16s while they had our passports inside at Border Control.  The whole process took nearly two hours and we were pretty worn out by the time we got to our kibbutz in Tiberias.

I guess that's enough learnin' for one post.  I'll have more pictures and points to ponder with the next published post.  

I'm Not High Maintenance...Just Low Tolerance

The title of this blog post isn't original to me.  I actually stole it from Anita Renfroe.  If you've never heard of Anita Renfroe then you'll just have to "google" her to learn more about her.  She's hilarious.  Anyway, once again, for I guess the 6th?? year in a row Lindy let me preach on a Sunday morning.  That's right, the not your average pastor's wife was actually allowed to speak to everyone again on Mother's Day.  The title of my message was the title of this blog post and you'll have to listen to it or watch it to get it.

I've had several people ask me where to access the audio or video of my Mother's Day message so rather than continuing to send out texts or individual emails I thought I would just post the info on here and then link it to Facebook.

If you want to watch it--that's right, Restoration Church entered the 21st century quite a while ago--you can go to our ustream site.  You can find it at our ustream channel

If you would prefer to listen to it then you can simply go to http://www.myrestorationchurch.org/ and click on the Podcast link at the right.  Select the sermon you want and listen away.  (Jac and I listened to it on my iPhone on our recent road trip.  I used a lot of "Jac" illustrations so he was excited to hear it since he was working in Kids' Church that morning).

Lastly, if you were actually present at church that morning and heard my opening about the various "Lindys" then I must apologize for missing one of the best ones--"Game Lindy."  Our worship pastor, Russell, brought it to my attention immediately.  Game Lindy is very competitive and I learned early on--even before we got married--that I had better get thicker skin or always play on his team.  Jose came up with a new Lindy known as Indy Lindy.  Indy Lindy gets where he's going quickly and is a nicer version of Traffic Lindy.

That's all I'll share for now.  If you want the rest of the story then watch or listen.

My Journey to Israel and Jordan--A Trip of a Lifetime...Or Was It

When I told friends and family that I was planning to go to Israel I heard many times, "Wow!  That will be a trip of a lifetime."  At first I agreed with them, but even before I left to travel overseas my feeling about the whole "trip of a lifetime" thing changed.  Once I had actually been in the Middle East for a couple days I realized that the reason my feelings changed was that I knew that this would NOT be a trip of a lifetime for me.  Instead, I am hopeful that this will only mark my FIRST trip to Israel and Jordan.  It was a wonderful, life-changing, expensive trip but I was only there a few days before I realized that every dollar spent would be well worth it.  For all we experienced including the wonderful hotels we stayed in, the food we ate, the awe-inspiring sights we took in, the organization and leadership of the trip; it was a worthwhile investment of our money.

When Lindy traveled to Israel and Jordan four years ago I wasn't so hip to the idea at first.  In fact I think I told him he was out of his mind for even considering it.  Security was my primary concern, but I got to see firsthand that Israel is probably the safest place to travel in the world.  And guess what!!  They don't even make you succumb to the ridiculous task of taking off your shoes in the airport.  More on that later.  But, just know for now, that if security and safety are concerns for you in traveling to Israel..don't be; concerned, that is.

Lindy and I were part of a group of 24 people who traveled together.  Six of us were from our church, six were from another church in St. Louis, ten were from Tulsa, and two from Arizona.  I have to say first off, and I said it several times while on the trip, that one of my favorite parts of the whole trip was getting to know this group of people.  We were with this group of people for 16 days from sun up to sun down.  We ate our meals with them, traveled on a bus with them for hours and hours, walked miles and miles with them; and I loved every minute of it.  I thoroughly enjoy getting to know new people and talking about their lives so this complete traveling entrenchment in each others' lives for this brief period in time was a delight to me.  It was interesting that we had two nurses, one nurse practitioner, one pharmacist, and one retired eye surgeon on the trip.  (I'm counting myself as one of the nurses for those of you who don't think of me as a real nurse).

One couple, Richard and Shirley, have traveled all over the world.  Richard told us that this trip marked the 65th country that he has visited.  Wow!!  He retired from the national park system and he had wonderful pieces of information to share with us.  For all you St. Louisans, you'll be interested to know that when he worked in St. Louis and was in charge of the formerly known "VP Fair" they learned that if they covered all the mirrors in the women's restrooms it eliminated the lines.  Hilarious and ingenious.  His wife, Shirley, is an amazing cancer survivor and I really enjoyed the time spent with her hearing about all of her volunteer work.  Richard is a serious bird watcher and spent the month of February in Ethiopia watching birds.  Wow!!  That's serious.

One of the couples from Tulsa were Tony and Denise.  Sometimes...oftentimes...when I'm learning people's names I will make up a nickname for them so that I can learn their names.  Tony became "Tony Long Lens" to me because of his camera with the enormous zoom lens that he carried everywhere we went.  Literally, I don't think I saw Tony Long Lens without his camera, except at dinner.  Long about the last day I asked him if I could feel how heavy it was and the thing had to weigh all of 10 pounds or more.  I'm thankful he carried it though because he took some amazing pictures.  I did recommend a chiropractic adjustment for him upon his return home.  His wife, Denise, works at the QuikTrip corporate office and has for 25 years.  She was on a mandatory four-week sabbatical that is required for all employees after 25 years.  That is seriously cool and I hope she is enjoying her last two weeks of sabbatical.

Tony's Dad, Al, and his wife, Stephanie, were also on the trip.  Al is retired from the QuikTrip corporation.  I really enjoyed seeing Al and Stephanie holding hands and being so loving with each other throughout the trip.  It was their second trip to Israel and I enjoyed hearing about their previous trip.  Denise and Stephanie served as the free Wifi scouts which was much appreciated by the rest of us.

Dick and Diane were a couple from Tulsa as well.  Dick is a retired eye surgeon and Lindy had great fun quizzing him endlessly at dinner one night.  Dick is a quiet guy but has a great sense of humor and was also lending a helping hand to the ladies.  Diane was a woman after my own heart as she would get this little gleam in her eye anytime the word "shopping" was mentioned.  One afternoon when part of the group was shopping in the Old City of Jerusalem it was told to me that Diane would see something she wanted and say, "Dick, five dollars!"  "Dick, five dollars!"  He dutifully forked over the cash and she had a great time shopping for souvenirs. I loved her.

David and Pam were also from Tulsa and were not new to overseas travel.  I would LOVE to go on the three-week trip to Aruba that they took.  They have traveled a lot and more than once I told Lindy that I want us to be like them when we retire--jetting all over the world.  Pam also had serious fashion sense and I think I complimented her every day on her outfits.

Nancy and Leann left their husbands behind in Tulsa and had a great time with the group. Turns out Nancy is a good friend of one of my nursing classmates at ORU.  It was so nice to hear about Jenny and have a connection with Nancy on the other side of the world.  Leann was truly one of the kindest people I have ever met.  She was always thanking someone for something and she had such a calm and soothing presence about her.  Those two were quite a pair and I gathered along the way that they must have promised their husbands that they wouldn't let the other out of their sight because they were never far from each other.

Cho and Theo were two ladies from St. Louis who go to church together, work out at the Y together, and generally are wonderful friends and fun people to be around.  Cho left her husband at home and Theo is widowed so the two of them roomed together and gave all of us a lot of laughs.  Theo proudly told us that she was the oldest person on the trip and you honestly never would have known it.  I attribute it to her good Greek genes and her time spent consistently at the Y.  She didn't just keep up with us, she could have led the pack without a problem.  Cho was a delight to be around and it was really exciting when we ran into groups from Korea because she is a Korean-American.  Cho will also be traveling to Korea later this year.

Sue was the brave lady who stayed by herself in a room but this was the only solitude she got.  :)  We traveled like a pack of wolves together.  It was fun to talk to Sue as she is an oncology nurse practitioner and has worked for the same employer for 24 years.  Amazing!!  Sue just has a calming presence about her and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know her and spending time with her.

Herb is a pharmacist and has worked for his employer for 15 years.  Herb has a lot of spiritual insight and it was interesting hearing about his upbringing in the far reaches of Missouri where they still have party lines in operation.  Herb had a touch of heat exhaustion one day but after hours of sleep he was raring to go the next day.

Roberto, Teresa, Sue, and Shirley are from our church so we already knew them fairly well but it was nice to get to spend time with them and get acquainted with them on a deeper level.  Sue had some problems with her foot and didn't get to go out with us each day, but we were thankful for the times she did get to see all of the sights.  She always had a positive outlook though.

Roberto and Teresa could always be found together, except when we thought we had lost Roberto in the market area in Jerusalem.  He was just having a good old time shopping, but I'm sure Teresa was already trying to form the words she would use when she talked to Susie and Mickie.  "Well, your father was at this open-air market in Jerusalem on the afternoon of the Sabbath where it was shoulder-to shoulder people and...."  Fortunately, Roberto materialized with souvenirs in hand.

Shirley was an absolute riot on this trip and I know it wouldn't have been the same for me without her.  She kept up with us and shared a lot of memories from her last trip to Israel with her dearly departed husband, Everett.  More on Shirley later.

John and Connie were the leaders of our trip.  This was John's 32nd trip to Israel and I believe it was Connie's 12th trip.  Let me just say that I was so impressed with the planning of this trip and how each day was organized.  I know it had much to do with John's experience and his planning of this trip.  I'm sure much of it also had to do with Connie's input as well.  The eventual plan is for Lindy to start leading trips to Israel so I was so grateful to see such a well-planned, organized trip.  That doesn't happen by accident.  I also got to see Connie's role in the trip and I asked a lot of questions.  No big surprise there.  Lindy and I left a day earlier than the rest of the group so that Lindy wouldn't miss a third Sunday at church and I wore it as a badge of honor when John told me that I was a "good traveler."  Now that may not seem like a big deal to you, but when it's coming from a man who's lead 32 trips I'm going to accept the compliment like it's a big deal.  Trust me.  There are pastors' wives who I would not want to try to lead across the street, much less around the world.  We can be a challenging bunch, but that's a blog post for another day.  Connie said I was a "lot of fun."  I was proud of that too.  I try to bring the fun wherever I go so I enjoyed hearing that.  John made the entire trip look effortless, and I know it wasn't, but I look forward to trying to emulate the success they have had in leading trips.

Now that you know a little about the people I was traveling with, and I hope they enjoy reading little tidbits about themselves, I'll share with you about the trip...in my next post.  Once I started writing I realized I had too much to say for one post.  Check back for Part 2.

Random Reflections Related to Reader Requests--Round 2

So, to understand the title of this post you'll have to go back and read my last post.  Then it will make sense.  My old boss, Randy--and he is old--told me I should write about how I got into hospice.  Actually his exact words were that I should tell about "the awesome man who helped launch my hospice career."  So, here you go Randy.  This one is for you.

Before I tell about the awesome guy who helped launch my hospice career I should give a little back story. I have to take you back to when I was in college getting my nursing degree though.  A friend and I were on our way to clinicals (for you non-medical people, that's the part where they actually let us touch the patients and learn on them) and we were talking about what areas of nursing we wanted to pursue.  I was set on being either in the OR or in Labor and Delivery because "that's where the action was."  Those were the words I would always say.  I recall telling my friend Andrea that there were three things I wouldn't do when I was a nurse and they went like this:  "I will never work with anyone who has cancer, old people, or anyone who is dying."  Talk about eating your words and God giving me the what for later on.  This conversation must have taken place before my pediatrics rotation, my day spent at dialysis, or my time on the burn unit; because I added those to my list of things I would not do before I graduated.  What it really boiled down to with those three areas was that I learned quickly that I could not stand seeing anyone in pain, especially if I was expected to inflict more pain on them.  So, inserting an 18 gauge--read a big, honking needle--into someone's arm or taking care of kids in pain or performing all the treatments required for burn patients was not my cup of tea.  I was terrified of needles for that reason and had to give my very first injection to my nursing instructor in another room because the other students wouldn't let me near them.  It was the bright, shining start to a brilliant nursing career!!  Oh, add to that list psych nursing.  I found out I couldn't do that either after....  OK, maybe I won't tell that story.

I graduated with my BSN and set about studying for my boards.  I started interviewing for positions and realized right away that my dreams of working in OR or L&D might not come to fruition.  I graduated in a time of a nursing surplus and the job I was offered had six nurses competing for it.  Where was it?  Oncology/Neurology.  That's right, my friend.  I was going to work with cancer patients and old people--some of whom were dying.  Fortunately, I worked in the hospital back in the time when nurses were pampered, at least at this hospital.  I didn't have to place IVs--we had an IV team.  I didn't have to change dressings--we had a wound care department.  I didn't have to take care of male catheters--it was a Catholic hospital and female nurses were not allowed to touch male catheters.  I know!!  We were pampered.  I did have to give my own IM injections and do my own finger sticks for the diabetics.  I literally had to give myself a pep talk every morning to go stick those poor patients' fingers.  I'm a total sissy.  I would actually smile to myself if none of my assigned patients for that day were diabetics.  Sometimes I would trade out these unsavory tasks with another nurse and I would place her Foley catheter.  I was really good at that.  It seems really crazy that I would rather place a Foley than stick someone with a needle, but I had issues.  Issues, I tell you!!

I worked in Tulsa in inpatient oncology until Lindy and I got engaged and I moved to St. Louis.  He was a youth pastor so I really wanted to be off on weekends with him and set about looking for a job that would allow that.  Since I was already familiar with taking care of cancer patients, old people, and people who were sometimes dying; it seemed that the transition to hospice wouldn't be too difficult.  I had friends who made the same transition after working in oncology.  Since I didn't want to do shift work in the hospital I didn't pursue too vigorously any positions in the OR or L&D.  We were still in a nursing surplus so jobs still weren't so readily available.  I found an ad in the paper (this was back before the internet was in full operation) for a PRN (as needed) position in hospice.  I went to interview with a lovely, wonderful woman named Mindy.  Her particular office didn't have an open position but she said that the smaller office where her husband was the supervisor had an open position.  She said she would give him a call and ask him to call me for an interview.

OK, Randy, here's the part where you come in.  He called me to interview and it was right before Thanksgiving 1995.  (He won't remember that).  The part I haven't mentioned yet was that I lived in St. Charles and his office was in Washington.  It was a 43 mile drive to the office and the position I was interviewing for would mean that I would also travel all day in my car and the closest patient was in Washington.  I arrived at the office and met Randy.  There were two other men there; Ken and Mike.  Mike was the Administrator in the office and Ken was the Executive Director of the hospice company.  The three of them decided that since they were all there they would just all interview me together.  I don't remember all the questions they asked but I remember talking about pain management and what I knew from working in oncology.  Randy showed me the map of their territory which didn't mean a lot to me because I had just moved to the St. Louis area three weeks before.  What I did realize was that I was going to be tooling around in a rural area.  (Ask me today and I can probably get you around on the back roads between New Haven and Cuba and Gerald and Leslie and New Florence and Hermann and....  I knew all of that before I ever knew how to get around in the St. Louis metro area).  Now I'm getting ahead of myself.  Well, the interview ended and we all stood up, they offered me the job, and asked me how soon I could start.  I told them I could start right away after Thanksgiving, but then asked them if they thought I should fill out an application first.  Ha!!!  That's hilarious to me now after spending the last 15 years in management.  I can't imagine bringing a nurse in for an interview and offering her the job before the application and the references and the drug test and the criminal background check and the EDL and the OIG and the....  You get the picture.

So, I started the job as a PRN nurse which meant that I would only work when they needed me, but they ended up needing me 40 hours/week from the first week so I wasn't PRN very long.  I was thankful for that because I really needed a full-time job.  Over the next several months I got to know Randy and realized that he was a really nice guy.  He always treated me well and was a very caring person.  Mike didn't last very long and his employment ended and he moved away.  I didn't see Ken very often.  He had just happened to be there that day.  He also eventually left the company but I don't remember if it was before or after I left.  I did eventually leave, but it was because of Randy.  It was all his fault!!!  He accepted a job with a company in the St. Louis area called Home Health Plus.  It was a company that did rehabilitative home care and private duty and they had hired him to start up a new hospice program.  When he left, he told me he would call me when he got it up and running and needed a nursing supervisor.  I kind of thought, "OK.  Whatever.  I'm 23 years old.  Why on earth would he hire me to be a supervisor?"  But, about four months later he called and said, "OK.  I'm ready for you.  When can you come to work here?"  It was a bit of a leap of faith for me--following Randy, that is--since it was a brand new program but the attractive part for me was going to be the I won't be driving all over creation anymore part.  You see, navigating the back roads of rural Missouri had put 36,000 miles on my little Nissan Sentra in ten months.  I was ready to drive a little less, but it would mean not having as much opportunity to do patient care anymore.

I took the plunge and started at Home Health Plus on September 16, 1996.  I so enjoyed the fact that the office was only 11 miles from my house.  Lindy and I have moved three times since then, even to Illinois for three years, and I just drive to work from a different home.  We've lived in our house now for nearly ten years and I drive 22 miles to work.

We had 15 patients on that, my first day, as a supervisor.  (Randy won't remember that either.  The company I came from had only reached a max of around 20 patients in that location so this census wasn't so foreign to me).  The 15 patients were between our St. Louis office which had ten patients and our Fairview Heights, IL office which had a whopping five patients.  It was pretty small and Randy and I were almost the whole operation.  We had one staff member that was solely ours.  Her name was "Kitten" and she was the chaplain, bereavement coordinator, and volunteer coordinator all rolled into one.  Our nurses, nurse aides, social workers, and team coordinator were all borrowed from home care and didn't have a lot of hospice knowledge.  Since there were so few of them I guess they didn't mind too much having a supervisor who had just turned 24.   I never had any issues with not being respected, at least I don't think I did.  I was challenged on occasion but you can't be in any supervisory/management position and not be challenged by your employees.  That's just life.  So, Randy and I were a good team.  He stayed in the office or went out and did marketing and I did all of the hospice admissions and other tasks in this newly created position.  My position wasn't only new in that office but new to the company as they had just started branching out in that area.  The home care and private duty divisions ran like well-oiled machines.  They were big and bad and managed very well.  Randy and I were truly the red-headed stepchildren--him more than me because he has red hair, or used to.  It might have turned all gray by now since he's gotten so old.  I remember asking the home care supervisor that I shared an office with if she thought I was doing everything I should.  She kind of whispered to me, "No.  There's a lot of stuff you guys aren't doing."  She didn't ever elaborate.  One of my favorite memories of Randy doing something really sweet, but exasperating at the same time, was on Valentine's Day 1997.  I was out in the field doing three admissions that day (yeah, my current staff, you read that right) and Randy sent me a page and told me that there was a state surveyor in the office and I had better get back there quick.  I drove to the office as quickly as I could and there was Randy in the lobby with this huge grin on his face.  Lindy had sent me roses and Randy just wanted me to come back so that I could see them.  It was such a sweet gesture, yet I wanted to punch him at the same time as having a surveyor show up in your office is NEVER a recipe for a fun time.

We had a general manager at that time named Ann (she was over the whole shebang); and she was very supportive of hospice.  She really had an affinity for Randy, not in that way, and she would give him these little yellow coupons for "Free Half Days."  I'm not sure if she kept giving them to him or if he just copied them but he took a lot of "Coupon Days" so he could work on fixing up his house.  What was that all about, Randy, and why did I never get any "Coupon Days?"  I held down the fort while Randy was gone and eight months after I started there Randy resigned. That's right, folks, he left me again.  He accepted another start-up hospice position in a neighboring state and he started traveling back and forth.  I've figured out over the years, as I've followed Randy a little bit and the path his career has taken, that he has to be challenged or he gets bored.  I wouldn't dare to count the number of positions Randy has worked in and the vast experience he has gained while I've been plugging away at the same office.

So, back to the story.  Randy left me and at that time we had grown to an amazing 20 patients!!  We had a new boss and she interviewed me for Randy's old position.  This was in June of 1997.  In spite of the fact that I was 24 years old, I had the most hospice experience, and she and her boss must have decided that I couldn't possibly mess it up too bad since we only had 20 hospice patients.  (I've learned since then that they were wrong if that was really their reasoning.  One person really can completely destroy an operation, even one that small).  We all laughed in the interview because I wasn't even yet old enough to rent my own car if I had to travel.  I told them that my ten-year goal was to be at home with my then non-existent children.  That didn't quite work out, but my current boss, Carrie, use to ask me how many more years she had me for because she knew about that.

I was promoted to Hospice Division Manager--that was the title at that time--and it has changed several times over the years.  While I continue in the same position for a company that has since changed ownership, sort of, and has changed names; my title has changed many times.  Currently, it's Director of Professional Services, and I think they are set on that for now.  My duties have certainly changed over the years.  We've grown from 15 patients back in those early days to an average daily census of around 375 patients in four offices instead of two.  (We've opened the other two offices in the last five years).  One of them is in Washington so it's like deja vu when I visit that office.  We've grown to the point over the years where I don't really have any responsibilities in the other offices.  For years I split my time between our St. Louis and Fairview Heights offices.  My location just keeps getting smaller as we open more offices and hand off more patients to them so that we can expand the number of patients and families we reach.  The private duty division closed about eight years ago and the home care division closed last year.  We are hospice only and no longer the red-headed stepchild.  We are a force to be reckoned with and it's because of our amazing staff.

I've been privileged to work with the same boss now for more than 13 years and a number of other staff who have stayed for ten years or longer.  We are truly a family and everyone I work with is very dear to me.  They are my "patients" and I love taking care of them as I really don't come very close to actual patients anymore.  The joke a few years ago was if I was at your bedside then you had truly scraped the bottom of the barrel when it comes to nurses.  You have to get through several layers of nurses before you find me smiling down at you.  I don't have many cool stories anymore like I had when I was a "real nurse" as my kids have referred to me.  The best one is my "coughed up lung" story and it always wins against every other story, hands down.  Don't even try to challenge me.

But, this story isn't complete without explaining why I'm so grateful to that "awesome man who helped launch my hospice career."  First of all, I've always referred to it as an "accidental career" because I never set out in nursing to be in management; yet I know that nothing in our lives is ever an accident with God when we entrust our lives to Him and let Him be in control of every major decision.  I truly just wanted to take care of patients, but God saw things differently for me.  I sometimes refer to my year spent as drum major in high school as being the "head band geek."  I guess you could say that now, in Missouri, I am the "hospice nerd in waiting" as this accidental career has led me to the place where I am now the Vice-President/President-Elect of the Missouri Hospice and Palliative Care Association.  I guess if you're going to set out to be somebody in hospice, that's one of the things you might set your sights on.  I didn't set my sights on it, but I've just been looking for ways to serve and, honestly, for a little variety after working at the same place for so many years.  I'm also a Past President of the Greater St. Louis Hospice Organization.  Yet another hospice nerd position.

None of this would have been possible without Randy.  He probably doesn't fully realize this, but God used him in my life to direct the path I was to go down.  Like I said in the beginning, this is not really what I wanted to do but God's plans are bigger than ours and He really does want to give us the desires of our hearts.  We just have to keep our end of the bargain by delighting ourselves in Him.  I hope I keep up my end of the bargain, and I hope that in the brief time I was able to work with Randy that I made a difference in his life.  He made a big difference in mine.  Randy, if this post made you laugh or cry or get veclemped, then I've done my job.  You'll always hold a special place in my heart and I'll always pray God's best for you.  Thanks for all you did for that young, bright-eyed girl who was just looking for a job to pay the bills.  You changed my life.